Wedding weekend (with a temporary fam photo): amazing high while coping with an unfortuntate low

Wedding fun:  I have a few funny 'get out the door for the road trip to the wedding' stories, like Reg texting me from Omaha before he drove to KC and I was racing around packing the car - "If you haven't left yet, can you please bring me some toilet paper." 

I did not comply by bringing him 2-ply. 

Son, you have one of our cars. Stop at the damn store. What is happening?

Have egg dish, will travel. We ate this Sat
and Sun mornings. I cut it and stuck it in
 gallon size zip loc bags. Each
kid heated up what they wanted. 

Our goal was to leave at 9 am. Coach had morning patients. I slept a whopping and necessary 8 hours the night before, which was dreamy, quite literally. I'd not slept enough the night before, waking early fretting over Lad's suit and whether Mr. Communication Struggles shared pertinant info this his gf. I managed to go for my run, wash and dry my hair, load all the food in coolers, and pack for myself. We left at 9:30 - not terribly off our goal. 

My kitchen whilst babysitting Thursday.

I'd organized the fridge - necessary food on one shelf. My lists -key. I ran upstairs for the garment bags on my bed with all the dresses. Kay had offered to grab them insisted on doin. Thank goodness I did it myself . . . I stumbled across Tank's dress shirts hanging on the front hall closet door. 

Sheesh. Shenanigans, get your shit together. 

The wedding was epic. The first one for our kids aside from Lad. Sort of unfortunate, because the bar has been raised very high. The band  - well, I'm thinking a must-have at our offsprings' weddings, a national organization. I may or may not be toying with the idea of working another 5 years to secure band funds. 

Anyway, everything was beautiful and amazing. The priest knew them personally, and his message was lovely. Breathtaking day. I'm posting a pic of us, missing Ed and Curly. Lad on far left, next to his gf. Tank far right. Reg next to me. Rae in a white cardigan. Kay pink dress. Mini brown dress. We clean up OK, me thinks. (she types, shuddering to think about the preperations, including the last minute haircut I sent Reg to get a few hours before the mass. I'd considered bringing my clippers, but forgot them. He's almost 21 and this was his first prof. haircut).  

******

The low:  I got a text around 7 am Saturday. My dad lost his balance in his bathroom Friday night. Fell, landing in the tub. Asked my mom to get him a phone. She brought him everything but a phone for a . . . while? All four local sibs were out of town. A brother called 911, I think. I'm still uncertain how Nana handled paramedics taking dad, and I assume she was alone for a little while. It hurts my heart. I live 2 min away. They have daytime caregivers but not at night. Dad resisted that - didn't want daytime care either. 

I feel some guily for supporting their desire to stay in their home, assuming my sisters will blame me. But, my dear friend, Suz, pointed out that people fall in assisted living places too. True, there's no guarantee that he won't fall some place else. 

Having sisters who are unwell, angry elfs complicates this, and frankly life in general. Not new info. I can only dream about having 100% supportive and emotionally stable, consdierate sibs. 

On the other hand, I'm grateful for wonderful friends, who I reached out to after I'd digested the news. How great to count amazing blog friends as part of my squad. Crazy to think that we'd not know each other aside from stumbling on one another in the internet, you know? 

Dad broke his hip. Local hospital said he needed surgery. They transferred him to UIC in the city. Marie and husband drove in from Milwaukee. Pat came home from Indiana later in the day (?), where he was visiting his son at college.

UIC decided not to do surgery. This makes me sad, because I feel like a broken hip that they don't fix is a kiss of death. I know his days were numbered to begin with. He's 86. But is this it? Will he just slip away now? Also bummer he wasn't left at local hospital, because UIC is not easy to get to for any of us. 

Long time readers will recall Dad being thrown from a horse in Yellowstone about 10 years ago. We thought he'd die then. All that to say, he's a fighter. I guess Marie/Pat couldn't be with him while he was in the ER waiting for a room for most of the day. But staff said he was asking when Notre Dame played. Positive sign? He's lucid. He's himself. 

I read the text Sat morning, and sobbed in my bed for awhile. Then I told Coach: We will say nothing to anyone. This will be shared Sunday. Not today. 

Coach had already texted his folks to pray for dad, so I said, That's fine. Text them back and say we aren't telling our kids yet. We will all enjoy the wedding. (damn it)

That's what we did. My in laws did mention it to a few of Coach's siblings, but his sibs were discreet, showing their support and asking for updates. 

We hosted the between-events aka layover party at our VRBO. It was a blast. All Coach's sibs and all their kids and his folks were there. Lad and his GF were there. Everyone appreciated the food and drink and space to relax. Once the 9-kid cousin family arrived, I video chatted Curly. I'd asked her if it would make her sad to see everyone, like FOMO, but she said she'd be fine. She had a party to go to Saturday night anyway. 

I saw her smiling face, and her bestie cousin hollered, CURRRRLLY! I handed cousin the phone and slipped out on the empty deck and balled my eyes out. I think it was everything - missing her at the event, but mostly knowing that Sunday I'd have to explain Da's condition. I've always suspected that attending a distant college would be hard when health issues or loss of life crop up for her four elderly grandparents.  (How blessed to be 18 and have all 4 grandparents?)

Coach's sis is a social worker in a nursing home, and she was a good recousce Saturday, saying this might not necessarily be the end for him. 

I'm drafting this while we (and by 'we' I mean Coach) drive home, and Ed called to tell us about his gf's sis wedding. "Might be the best night of my life." He described the venue - very high end - floor to ceiling windows overlooking the skyline and all the special touches. Mini whispered to me:  Wait, how do we communicate that the wedding we were at was better than his?" 

Shenanigans are a competitve people, and a comedic group. Tank was trying to set my laptop up on his hotspot for me. When he handed it back to me, he had it open to the Miralax home page. 

*****

Highs and lows from your weekend? Do you prefer a band or a DJ at a wedding? 

I'm behind on responding to comments: But pre-niece wedding frustrations abound.

I have a chapter due for my writers group. I don't read it till Monday, but this group - prefers the submissoin at least 5 days in advance. My smaller group, an offshoot of the big group - 6 of us who are locked in and committed, meets on the opposite Mondays of the big group. Small group is more flexible - turn something in Sunday night, no biggie. 

Anyway, I'm almost done. I'm whittling it down, so that it doesn't exceed the wordcount max (you read my blog, so you're nodding along, understanding my wordy-writer predicament). 

But almost done is not the same as Done, and the Shenanigan side niece's wedding is in a few days and why is everyone calling me Now, asking about 'stuff' while I'm dealing with pre-travel details that come with corralling our people and driving to Kansas City?

Also, Coach is struggling to walk, or sit, or stand. His back is messed up.

Let's pause here, so we're on the same level, frustration-wise. He's a PT. He treats this stuff. He works with people in the biz. You know? He says he's too busy to ask someone to look at him, or go somewhere. He believes he needs to be dry-needled and no one else in his clinic does that, aside from him. I'm team:  cancel work, or take an afternoon off, be seen - so it feels better for the weekend.

Unrelated, but stressful:  a guy who works for him gave 2 weeks notice, so he can work in the city. That's two PT slots he needs to fill. Coach's boss called him today to ask if he's ready to switch his schedule back to two late nights a week:  Tues/Thurs. Dear God, we cannot go back to that. 

Logistics:  we leave Friday morning with Mini, Tank, Kay, and Rae. Lad is driving separate with his girlfriend and his two dogs. This boggles the mind, but onward. Reg is driving from Omaha. When Coach and I drove there last weekend for parent weekend, we drove two cars. We left Tex with Reg. Reg will drive himself to and from the wedding in Tex and then he'll drive Tex home for fall break. 

The TO DO LIST:  Today, while babysitting for four littles, let's hope I accomplish food prep and packing. Thank God my job offers nap time for personal tasks. We're staying in a VRBO, so I'm making egg casserole in advance to heat up Saturday morning. Packing sandwich stuff. Fruit. Car snacks. Plus loads of my  'specific' food. Also, Coach's sibs and parents will hang at our rental during the 'layover' between the mass and the reception. So, 7 layer taco dip, pumpkin bread, and drinks. Kay and I made 6 loaves of p. bread Tuesday night.  

After the babies leave at 4 today, I pick up Kay around 4:30. She and I have adoption preservation therapy at our house at 6:15. I have book club at 7, which I'll be late for. I might skip it. I'd like to go, at least for a bit. 

Believe you me, I thought I'd mapped things out well in advance and the rest of the week would be smooth sailing, exhibit A:  

On Sunday, when Coach and I were driving back from Omaha, Tank called:  I need to come home and shop for a suit or something (It'll have to be Monday, so they have time to alter something). 

He was golfing in the burbs for a work event on Monday, so we met at the mall, where I had one hour before my small writers group (wasn't my turn to read). Mini came too. Both of them - translates to a comedic adventure. 

I usually work with Michael at Von Maur, when buying my guys their suits or sport coats. I had no time to figure out Michael's schedule. The 3 of us stood in the men's suit dept. A very young woman was helping a customer shop for a dress shirt. She asked if we needed help, alerted me that Michael was off, but that Rita would be able to help us. I said 'great', but to Tank and Mini I whispered, 'Rita better not also be twelve years old like this girl, because I'd not be very confident in her suit ordering capablities.' 

Tank:  Hmm, I think if her name is Rita, she's an older person. When did you last meet a 12 yo named Rita? 

Tank got a very nice black suit, and Rita, who was from Ireland - so we had things to chat about and she was lovely, sold us a nice shirt and tie and reversible belt. 

Tank was trying on a brown belt, but I said, 'You'll need a black belt.' I didn't realize that he'd hung his belt on the rack while trying on the brown one. I picked up his abomination belt, thinking it was something the store was offering to its fine customers. My face crumpled, What is THIS? 

Tank:  Yeah, uh, that's why I need a belt. 

THE UNRAVELING:  So, Wednesday when Coach and I got back from our separate grocery/Costco trips, we had a few hours alone, while Kay and Rae were at their Wednesday evening thing. Great. 

Reg called first. What tie am I bringing? Do I need any other fancy outfits? Can you bring me socks from home? Not sure where all my socks are. Also, I need another charger. Should be one at home (sends a blurry picture of the kind he wants). 

He puts us on video, so we can tour his closet, but it looked more like a dirty clothes hamper and I can't do it. 

Me:  Dad and I are on a date. In our kitchen. Basically we're talking, OK? Bye. Love you.

Literal minutes later, I'm pulling veggies out of the fridge to start chopping, not because I wanted to start chopping but I was feeling a wave of WTF, how am I gonna get everything done and stress chopping made sense.  

Lad calls:  Hi, I'm at the rental suit place right now. GF's wearing a gold dress. (folks, it's Wed night. I'll not bore you with the number of conversations I've had with him about renting or buying a suit for this black tie optional affair).  

Me:  Doesn't matter what she's wearing. This isn't prom. You don't need to match.

I plan to wear this to the welcome party
with black heels, black bolero, black clutch. 

Lad:  Is dad wearing a tux? (no, a charcoal suit - I proceed to list other brothers/their suit colors, etc.) I don't have fancy shoes (doesn't the rental place rent them?) Why are you acting mean? Do you want me to hang up and call GF? (I'm talking like someone who told you to figure out a suit weeks ago, and I'm busy) Will the shirts you bought me for Christmas go with the rental suit, if I get a black or a navy suit? (No clue. I'm standing in my kitchen and I don't recall what the dress shirts look like. I'm guessing they'll work seeing as they're dress shirts, but they weren't solid, right?). 

Coach, from the family room, where he's lying down, grimacing with back pain:  Why are you talking like that? (I'm NOT being mean, I'm answering his questions. How the hell do I know what shirt will match what - I'm not there. I'm here). 

Me:  How much is it to rent a suit?

Lad:  So so much, because I have to have it shipped to Kansas City.

To the mass with comfy
 beigh wedge sandals.

Me:  What?

Lad:  Or I have to come back here to pick it up (yes, do That. Just pick it up there. - later it occurs to me that I have no idea where 'there' is.)

I had to leave to pick up Kay and Rae. Coach offered to, but he'd already dropped them off - two different times, because Rae had volleyball and arrived late. Then he said he'd start chopping veggies for the 7 layer, if that would help - because I sounded stressed. 

Yes, that would help. Too bad he couldn't help me choose an ending for my chapter. I have 200 words left to wrap it up. 

Not the best pic, but I'm wearing these
with my fancy dress. Made of like clear
fabric with fabric slowers. Gold block
 heel and there are gold
accents on my teal dress. 

None of this is not taking into account that Mini tried to tell me on Monday night that I couldn't wear my strapless dress with the red flowers to the welcome party, claiming it's not cocktail attire. I sent photos to fashionista friends on Tuesday and both said, Yes, it works for the welcome party. 

Mini also hated the shoes I found for the wedding. It's been an age since I wore fancy-shmancy heels and I must have comfortable shoes. My bestie, Becky, came over and loved my shoe choices. So, there. I thought choosing shoes and welcome party outfits were my biggest problems and then I could relax. Silly me. 

Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny.

Now, I think I'm gonna wear a more casual dress to the church. Why be in the fancy dress all damn day? Stay tuned for the aftermath to learn how we fit all of the stuff in the car. Whether or not Lad showed up looking like the lawyer in My Cousin Vinny's Wedding. At this rate, I'm not sure if I will survive when one of our offspring gets married. (Catering. Tux rentals. Right? That will be easier). 

My chapter needs an ending. That'll be my project during morning naps, I guess. 

*****

If you've made it thru this stream of consciousness post, tell me which bit would frustrate you the most? Fashion tips based on the pics I've shown? 

Coach and I: confusion, warts and all

On Friday, Sept. 11th, Coach had his first routine colonoscopy. He's almost 55 and we won't talk about how much pestering it took on my part to get that procedure scheduled. That's a different sort of post. *sigh* It was initially scheduled for last month, but he got a sore throat/cold and it had to be rescheduled at the last minute.

A few days before his initial procedure (before it was cancelled) he went to bed without making the Jello he bought - that he planned to feast on the next day when he could only ingest clear fluids. This was the night when Mini called me from the runway, when her flight was so delayed. While I talked her off the ledge - convincing her that she'd not lose her job if her flight was cancelled, I looked for Coach's Jello stash. He was already in bed. 

Me, to myself between sharing soothing, supportive words to Mini:  He told me he bought some Jello, but Jello doesn't make itself. Where did he put it?

I found the grocery bag on the dining room table. Why it was hidden is a mystery that we are not gonna solve today. I pulled out a box:  Jello Pudding. 

He bought pudding when he needed a clear diet, because he identified the word 'Jello'. I made some old boxes of Jello that I found in my cabinet, but dang - I couldn't stop chuckling over his pudding mistake. He'd also planned to drink Ensure shakes, but I noticed that he bought the wrong kind of those too. Fortunately, he didn't need to do the prep because of his cold, but prior to the Sept 11th appt. - I bought the Jello for the redo. 

He prepared it, and he ate it. 

* Also, during the summer, he told me he was having his colonscopy on some random date. I was confused. "Have you seen the doc yet?" He explained that he hadn't, but that he was gonna meet him the day of his colonscopy. Huh? Turned out, he thought he'd signed up for a colonscopy just by scheduling the visit with the doc. I was like, Yeah, as a frequent flyer with this process, pretty sure that's not the way this is gonna work. 

*****

On Sept 11th, I believed his coloscopy was in the building next to my dermatology appointment. The day before, I finally moved my derma. appointment from 10:40 to 9 am, because he told me that I couldn't leave the building since I was his driver. What? I'll be right next door. He had to be there by 9:30. 

He dropped me off at the dermatologist at 9 . . . uh, I might've been running a few minutes late. My skin issue, by the way - is warts. That's another post, too. Get excited.

When I was done, I ran down to Coach, who was waiting in the car, so we could drive to his procedure . . . um, I guess my brain malfunctioned, because I was convinced that the address he had to be at was in the same complex. Maybe it's because one of my (5? 7? I've lost count) colonoscopies was in one of the red brick buildings where my dermatologist is. 

Oops. It was ten minutes away and Coach was ticked. I apologized profusely.  His doctor was running late anyway, so it ended fine. They think all went well - a few polyps sent to pathology to be checked, which of course reminded me of my first colonocopy:

They took out a few polyps. I was about 24. I was recovering in (my sister) Ann's living room afterward. My folks were living in Buffalo. Not sure what he was in the news for, but Colin Powell (pronounced Colon Powell) was being discussed for something. I was groggy. When Ann came in to check on me, I asked her, "Why are they talking about my colon polyp on the news?" 

Even Tank admitted that Coach's colonscopy was the most advertised proceedure he's ever heard of thanks to Coach's constant updates and funny memes in the group chat. 

Rookie. 

*******

Do you or your people need to be urged to do the routine medical things? What's the thing you or someone you know bought - thinking it was something else? Do you like Jello? (I love it) Have you gotten address of places confused, assumed things were closer to another place than they were? Or believed doc appts were Here vs There?

Lose my number: navigating student-thing that begs prof help & feeling frustrated (plus recipe links)

Early August, a woman, Ann, texted me to ask if Rae could hang out with her daughter, Gina. I asked Rae when she got home from caddying, 'Wanna go to Gina's house?' 

Rae:  Um, no.

I was surprised. Rae said she wasn't really friends with her, and she was really quiet. I asked who she was friends with and Rae said she didn't know if she had any friends. She'd transferred to the school midway through freshman year. Apparently, in January I texted a study guide or something to the mom on behalf of Rae, because the girl had missed school. So the mom knew my number. 

I urged Rae to go, saying "If she's not hung out with any girls from school all summer, maybe she's trying to reconnect before school starts."

****** more details *******

*I just looked back at the text thread - before this hang out happened, there were literally dozens of texts all on the same day hoping to make this hangout happen. Our day was busy, and it included a visit into the city to watch Lad play w.p. in the lake. Ann failed to grasp the way a caddy schedule works - which is to say, NO ONE KNOWS WHAT TIME SHE WILL BE HOME. I initially said I could let her know, or I said MAYBE ANOTHER TIME. None of my attempts at switching it up worked. I was busy and also confused about her constant badgering, but ultimately, I let her know that we were back from the city and Rae was home from caddying . . . but it was a draining experience, that I chalked up to a one time thing. I assumed once school got underway, Gina would invite new friends over. 

*************

Rae agreed to go that day and later I asked how it went. "Well, it was like talking to a wall. She didn't say a word, but her older brother (who also attends their high school) was there with his friend. We all hung out after dinner, and then it got a little better." 

I assumed 'didn't speak a word' was an exaggeration. Also, this girl lives 15 miles away - in the opposite direction of the high school she and Rae attend. I cannot for the life of me wrap my brain around driving close to an hour to this very small Catholic school. It's fine IMO, but it's far from the GOAT. In order to get to her house, we need to hop on an expressway and a toll road. In other words, her house is a good 30 min drive one way and traffic or construction can complicate things. 

On the way home from SC, Ann, the mom, texted and asked if Rae could come over again. I explained that with caddying and Rae's plan to attend evening Sunday mass and my deep dive in prepping for daycare to start (not wanting to do a 1 hour round trip in the car), it would be best if Gina came to our house. I didn't hear back from Ann for over 24 hours. Part of me was relieved, thinking she'd moved on.

Nope. She texted back. Gina would be more comfortable if Rae comes to our house. Now, WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON?

I finally said, RAE COULD COME AFTER SHE CADDIES. Ann, who opted to attend a mass near us, was offering to pick Rae up. Again, failing to comprehend caddy timing. 

This was the Sunday that I was meeting Bloggy friends, Birchie and Kyria, for dinner. I told the mom I'd have to pick Rae up by 4, because she needed to leave my house by 4:40 to get to mass with Mini. Coach was driving home from Omaha. 

About 30 min before Ann was due to arrive at my house, I paused clearing a path in the boy room to set up pack and plays to text Ann. Rae hadn't called yet to say she was done with her loop. 

In other words, when Ann arrived to get her, Rae wouldn't be home. Plus Rae would need to shower. Ann offered to stall, shopping nearby, etc. I finally pointed out that Rae would end up being at her house for an hour at best before I had to come pick her up. Not.gonna.work. 

She tried not to take no for an answer, but I put my foot down. I did NOT have time for this. 

Fast forward a bit, the texts begging Rae to text with her daughter or gather her homework once school started persisted. Rae said Gina rarely went to school. 

Me (to Coach a few weeks ago):  I suspect Gina has an issue. Maybe social anxiety, but she doesn't attend school much and Rae told me that when she does show up the teachers aren't nice to her. They'll say OH NICE OF YOU TO SHOW UP or IF YOU DON'T WANNA BE HERE THEN DON'T COME. This is wrong on so many levels. It's clear to me that this girl has a mental health issue. Is the mom unaware? Has she not let the school know? 

*****ASIDES*****

* I sensed that Rae was adopting the teachers' approach to Gina. 'She's ridiculous, she never comes to school'. I told Rae that I suspected that Gina had some issue, and that it wasn't OK for the teachers to speak unkindly to her or about her. I also told her that I expected her to be understanding towards her. 

* Early on in the 'can Gina text Rae on your phone?' thing, I praised Rae, saying that I suspected that Gina was reaching out to Rae because Rae had shown her kindness along the way and that I was proud of her for that. Mini was sitting in the kitchen and she chimed in too (praise from an older sib carries more weight than if I say it).

**********

I told Coach that I was leaning towards having a phone call with Ann, offering to be a resource for her, seeing as we are no stranger to mental health issues and we've been blessed with amazing therapists along the way. (and crappy ones, ie:  Do you know anyone who has teenagers?)

Coach moaned, and basically suggested I stay in my lane. At the same time, he took my phone one night while we were watching TV, because Ann's texts were nonstop. 

Then I drafted a script, printed it out, took it to my closet, and called Ann over Labor Day weekend. I told her I didn't want to overstep, but that I sensed Gina had some sort of struggle, if she was open to it, I'd be willing to share our experience and serve as a resource.

Ann got her husband on the phone, and asked me to say it all again. I repeated myself. They were so appreciative. I told them that I felt the teachers at the school were out of line (Ann and husband were unaware this was happening), and that if the issue hadn't been communicated to the school - it probably should be (and even if it hadn't been, What the hell? Teachers, you have to realize something is wrong with her!). 

*Rae's school has some aspects that are underwhelming. It's Catholic, but there's a clear lack of joy. A ton of 'demerit this and demerit that'. Rae is happy there. I'll share more of my perspective another time. Back to the telephone convo in my closet:  

Ann:  We believe Gina has selective mutism. Her brother did, and he did well with therapy. Gina refuses. 

Me:  Gina is suffering. I think it's time for tough love. She goes to therapy or she becomes an inpatient, or some other - do this, or that happens tradeoff. Forgive me for being blunt, but hat's what I'd do. I'll reach out to Tank's OCD therapist, if you want, and see if she can recommend someone. 

Ann:  Can you and Rae come over and try to convince Gina to go to therapy? 

WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING? This was after I shared with her that we adopted Rae last year and that she sees her own therapist and is not equipped to counsel Gina.

Ann told me she drives 4 hours a day (2 hours round trip each way, is my guess) because she wants her kids to receive the eucharist. The school has daily mass, so they receive communion there. But - Gina isn't going much, if at all. Ann's spending so much on tuition and gas, and then saying she can't afford therapy with her insurance. My mind was blown. I flat out told her that I think she has her priorities confused. 

Again, none of my business but if she's gonna suck me and my kid into her situatuion, offer no info, and text me nonstop - I'm gonna share my thoughts. Plus, I told her outright - your child is suffering. Get her the help she needs. 

She told me she homeschooled until last year and Gina prefers to be home with her mom and her dog. That sounds cozy, but unhealthy if it's led to this current situation. I've been in tough situatuions myself as a mom, and making hard choices is HARD, but at the end of the day spending the entire summer knowing your kid has this issue and not seeking help is something I cannot grasp. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I do think there's a bit of enabling happening here. 

A few hours after our phone call, I emailed Ann the name of a therapist who is the best for selective mutism, per Tank's therapist. Ann texted me a few days later, asking if I could recommend a good Catholic family therapist. 

I asked if she reached out to the individual therapist whose name I'd gotten for her. Then I explained that while our fam therapist happens to be Catholic, I'm not relying on her to give me faith direction. If her advise ever conflicted with our faith, I'd take issue, but that's not likely. I'm willing to bet that Gina is refusing therapy and that her mom is offering family therapy as an option. Again, not my problem, family therapy might help a little, but I think it's pretty clear that Gina needs her own individual therapist. I texted back a shorter version of this.

Ann:  Prayer is great. 

Me:  Yep, prayer is great, we still need to make decisions and take action and address the issues and challenges that we are presented with. Good luck. 

I wanted to borrow a text message Mini has sent me before, although when Mini sent it she was being playful and funny, and my intention would be none of those things:  Ann, lose my number. 

A few weeks ago (before my phone call), Ann texted, asking if Rae could come over while we were at the Saturday social thing for parents of Rae's school. Gina and Rae are in the same 'house' or group at school, because of course I cannot catch a break there. Gina lives 30 min south of us. Opposite direction of the Sept 12th gathering. 

We'd have to drive Rae 30 min there, then drive a full hour to the party (30 min north/west of my house) and then after the party, we'd have to drive an hour back to her house and then drive 30 min home. Meanwhile our house was on their way to the party. I told her she was welcome to drop Gina off at our house since it was on her way to the gathering, but Rae wasn't going there.

Of course, Gina didn't come to our house. Based on the volume of texts I get from Ann, I was nervous about Sept 12th, thinking Ann would seek me out and I'd not get to talk to anyone else. Rae had been tasked with organizing Gina's homework. I brought a few papers to hand deliver to Ann. As I mentioned, we had a good time. We met another couple with kids who've gotten the Evans scholarship, and their older daughters used to Irish dance. Lots of common ground, and they were a lot of fun to chat with. 

We were walking to our car, and Coach asked me, "So was that Ann person not there?" I stopped. OMG - was she? I had no idea what she looked like. I called her cell. She was still there. I asked her to meet me out front so I could give her Gina's homework. I handed her the papers, said nice to meet you and we bolted. 

I don't know where to go from here, but if she persists in trying to suck Rae into gathering homework, I'm gonna decline. Rae has her own things to manage (last week she agreed to get Gina's books and had a vollyball game after school and  forgot and felt bad), and if Gina can't go to school, then she and her parents need to handle that situation. I've tried to offer guidance and support, but I want to wash my hands of this, aside from praying that they get her the help she needs. 

******

Not a mosquito, but here's
 a bee I trapped at
 the pool during one of our last visits.

If this was happening to you, what would you do? Have you ever met anyone who suffered from selective mutism? 

If you host an outdoor event, would you have OFF bug spary available? I got eaten alive Sat. night at the parents gathering. The invite did not mention that we would be in the backyard, which was lovely - such a beautiful evening, but BUG SPRAY, PLEASE. When we had friends over Fri night to sit on our deck, we had OFF on the table as well as those candles that repel mosquitos, and were poised to go inside if needed.

*****

RECIPES BELOW:

Sheet pan cuban chicken and black bean rice bowl.

I cannot find a link to the recipe I use for the German Streusel Cake, but this on FB looks very close. 

Below is the cut and pasted recipe that I used. I think it was just provided to me by AI, so there's no direct link. It's super easy. I didn't heat the cherries up on the stovetop, as my version didn't include this - but everything else looks exactly the same.

You can make a German cherry streusel cake (Kirschstreuselkuchen) by pressing a buttery shortcrust dough into a springform pan, adding your thickened cherry filling, and topping it with crisp crumbs. [1, 2, 3]

Ingredients

Cherry Filling: 1 can cherry pie filling, mixed with ¼ cup sugar and 1 tbsp cornstarch (simmered briefly until thickened, then cooled).
Base & Streusel Dough (Mürbeteig):
• 1 ¾ cups (230 g) all-purpose flour
• ½ cup (100 g) granulated sugar
• ½ cup (115 g) unsalted butter (cold or softened depending on your crumb style)
• 1 room-temperature egg
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 pinch of salt [1, 2, 3, 4]

Instructions

Prepare the Oven and Pan: Preheat your oven to 375°F (190°C). Grease a 9-inch (24 cm) springform pan and line the bottom with parchment paper. [1]
Make the Filling: In a small saucepan, combine your 1 can of cherry pie filling with the ¼ cup of sugar and 1 tbsp cornstarch. Cook over medium heat, stirring gently, until the mixture thickens up. Remove from heat and let it cool slightly. [1] ( I DIDN'T DO THIS - I JUST MIXED THE SUGAR AND THE CORNSTARCH RIGHT INTO THE CAN OF CHERRIES AND DUMPED IT INTO THE CRUST)
Make the Dough: In a large bowl, mix the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Add the butter and the room-temperature egg. Mix with your hands or a pastry blender until it forms a crumbly, cohesive dough. [1, 2, 3]
Assemble the Base: Press about two-thirds of the crumb mixture firmly into the bottom and halfway up the sides of your springform pan to create a crust. [1]
Layer and Top: Pour the prepared cherry filling into the crust. Scatter the remaining one-third of the streusel crumbs evenly over the top of the cherries. [1]
Bake: Bake for 35 to 40 minutes, or until the streusel topping is golden brown and the filling is bubbling. Cool completely in the pan before slicing. [1, 2]

weekending: good eats, great shows, social time, family meal (minus college kids) & another important (exhausting) chat

*Is anyone else having this issue, or is it just me? My blog feed isn't updating. It's frozen. I realized on Friday that there was no chance that No One had written a Five for Friday. Tell me I'm not alone? Any ideas on how to fix it? 

*****

At the last minute Friday evening, I reached out to our friends who have a lake house. They're usually out of town in the summer months. They were in town and they were up for drinks on our deck if Coach was (Coach was recovering from a colonoscopy - more on that later, all routine and normal, but still it developed into a funny ha ha Coach thing). I waited for Coach to wake up from his nap, and he said sure. It was such a nice night to sit on the deck. Neighbor girls came over and hit the volleyball with Kay and Rae, and then they hung out in the basement. I told them they could eat all Dad's leftover Jello. 

Saturday night, Coach and I had a social outing organized by Rae's school. We were sort of dreading it. Her school is organized into four houses, so this was hosted by a couple with kids in Rae's house. (yes, it's similar to Harry Potter). We knew a few other couples going, but it was far away, and another family was going to be there that we hoped to avoid  (I'll post about it soon. They're not bad people, but their daughter has an issue and the mom reached out to me and it's now become 'our issue'). This couple that we wanted to avoid (we'd never met face to face, so I didn't even know who they were) hung out with other people, so it wasn't a problem. We ended up really hitting it off with another couple, who were delightful. We both had a good time. 

Then we raced home to watch an epside of Task with Mini, who'd watched the girls for us. Task is on HBO MAX and it's really good. We're enjoying it. (there's violence and it can be intesnse, so your viewing pleasure might differ). I also have a funny story about Mini's recommendation for this show. Coming soon. 

Sunday, fun day:  Coach had arranged to go golfing with the 3 older boys Sunday afternoon. I was in charge of making dinner for them afterwards. I had Mini invite one of her college besties, who lives in the city. She's from NJ, so her folks are far away. She joined us and so could Lad's GF. Ed's GF was having a spa day with her mom and her sister as a pre-wedding thing. We joked that it worked perfect - the two guests could sit in Reg and Curly's seats. 

In the morning, I told Kay to come with me on my 4.5 mile walk. If I'm being honest, I'm drained. I've been putting in a ton of effort - having lots of 'come to Jesus talks' with her.  I'm diving in, because this girl needs to connect with me. I cherish my walks. I like being alone when I workout. I wasn't sure how to broach the topic that I wanted to cover, but I figured I'd dive in as we walked. I tackled it, and I think overall it went really well. I think she 'heard' my message and that it was well received. 

Cherry struesel pie
thing. High marks from
 the gluten eaters.

(in a nutshell:  be authentic, because when the therapist comes to help us connect, if you're being fake-Kay, then we won't end up connecting, because I can't connect with fakeness. Let's dive deep and do the things, so we can get this done vs having this lady come to the house forever. I want my Thursday evenings back). 

Yes, my arm is sore from patting myself on the back. Why do you ask? 

Then I spent a few hours writing a funny story about my spring break senior year of college. As a result, I left the cooking and baking go until the last minute (do not recommed), but everything was tasty. When I made my 7 layer taco dip for the school social 'house' thing the night before, I divided it into two separate containers, so we even had an appetizer when they walked in from golf. Who even am I?

I whipped up two different desserts:  cherry struesel something or other and a plum torte. Tank was like TWO DESSERTS FROM SCRATCH? (they were so simple, really) The main dish was a fam fav that we've not eaten in forever:  Cuban Rice Chicken Bowls. (I'm crazy tired staying up past my bedtime Sunday night, but I'll post or share the recipes if anyone is interested - lmk in comments). The dinner conversation was lively and full of laughs. Reg happened to call before dinner, so we video chatted with him, passing the phone around. 

this is the sheet
pan part. I forgot
 to take a pic of it when
it was in 'bowl' form. 

Ed:  what happened to your lip? (it was just chocolate - of course it was. Reg has a habit of not wiping food off his face).

Lad:  Dude, do you know your shirt is on inside out. (some things never change)

After dinner, Lad and GF watched football with Coach and the girls, and Mini came along when I drove Ed, Tank, and Mini's friend back to their respective apartments. (an hour, 45 min round trip). Mini and I drove past a building she'd like to live in. 

Mini likes to veg and watch a show before bed, so we got home and I drafted this on my laptop while we watched an episdode of the Pitt. Great show. Highly recommend, although - I do have to look away from the screen a lot, because squeamish. It worked to have my laptop to focus on. 

*****

Did you have a good weekend? Are you struggling with your blogger feed thingy? Do you like makig last minute plans? When was the last time you dreaded a social thing that turned out being enjoyable? One of my moms is having her baby today, and we are so excited. No gender revel and names have been kept under lock and key.