"What's wrong with these kids?" Tank (forgetting the tongue stitches, are we?)

Saturday morning, Reg called. He was in the Ozarks for his fraternity's formal. 

Reg:  I'm fine. I didn't do anything stupid.  

Use your imagination here as to why we've had multiple  DON'T BE STUPPID conversations. Clue:  alcohol. 

Reg:  I got here Friday. Walked into the lake and stepped on a rock. I'm on my way to urgent care right now , because it's so painful today and I feel like there might be a piece of a rock still in it. This sucks, because I might be there a long time and I wanna have fun with my friends. 

I was confused - Was he going for an x-ray - did he think he broke a bone? Or was it all about a cut? He explained it's a cut and that the nursing students had all looked at it and they thought it would be fine.

Me:  Keep me posted. 

(I was in NYC, more later) Mini and I went for a walk in Brooklyn on a gorgeous day.

BUT:  My mind was distracted. Remember Mini's roomie Kate? Who got a staph infection and almost lost her life or her leg? Urgent care had handed her an anti-inflammatory for her knee scrape, not realizing she was in bad shape. 

Reg called a few hours later. They gave him one stitch, a shot in his butt for pain, a few shots in his foot, and pills to take. I requested that he send Coach a pic of his discharge papers, so we'd know what meds they prescribed, and suggested he drink next to nothing. 

*****

Backing up the bus:  this summer Reg got a new phone when his ancient one died. He didn't put a screen protector on it. Dropped it a few days later. The screen was a web of cracks. I insisted he replace the screen. He claims he didn't have a screen protector on his last phone.

Tell me you have memory issues, without telling me you have memory issues. 100% he had a screen protector on his last phone.  

He took it to the U-BREAK-WE-FIX place near our house while we were in SC. New screen $220. Now, he informed me that his screen was black and he could see nothing - less than 2 weeks later. 

*****

Now, we couldn't reach him. He borrowed kids' phones to call us. He had crutches but couldn't get to the other house where his friends were hanging out. No one could drive him, because they were all drunk. Couldn't Uber, because his phone . . . 

Me:  I'm sorta on a small vacation. Ask someone to call you an Uber and pay them back. I'm most concerned about the foot. If you spike a fever, or start vomiting . . .

He did a decent job of keeping in touch, but we never got the discharge papers and I struggled to sleep Saturday night. Thank you, racing-Mom-mind syndrome. 

Sunday morning, I suggested to Coach that we ask Tank to reach out to the older fraternity brothers for intel about the urgent care, etc. Coach was hesitant.

Me:  What if this is the perfect storm? We'll regret not reaching out, if this goes south and we were out of the loop b/c of his damn phone. 

Tank gladly accepted his role:  I probably knew about the bloody foot before you did. My fraternity brothers text me stuff. 

Tank provided Coach with the urgent care number. Coach got the deets. Reg was on an antibiotic and they could tell that he'd picked it up. Progress. 

I kept focusing on how damn much it hurt. Kate couldn't cope with her pain and it didn't add up for this small cut that she'd gotten. 

Reg called when they were driving back to Omaha Sunday late morning:  It still hurts a lot, and I can't walk, because some drunk idiot tossed one of my crutches in the lake and we couldn't find it.

When I relayed this to Tank:  What's wrong with these kids?

Uh, how soon they forget. Raise your hand if you remember Tank almost biting off his tongue falling off a fence while retrieving his fraternity's rock.

Reg went to the Verizon store in Omaha - they were gonna charge him $800 for a new phone. 

Me:  Nope. Wait till tomorrow when We Break It opens. 

Monday morning my kid emailed us. He was unraveling. He had no phone. Was tired of borrowing phones. His foot hurt so much (I assume because he had to walk on it). He'd gone to health services to get crutches, but since he couldn't prove that he'd been in an urgent care (no phone to show an email, receipt, etc.) they wouldn't give him any. (You shoulda shown them your stitches.) He was missing texts for his b-ball manager job. It was taking him so long to get to class, because of difficulty walking. 

I stepped into high gear, calling the nurse, who gave me her personal cell number last year when Reg had seizure symptoms. She could get him crutches. I created a group chat using all the numbers that Reg called me on. "Creighton kid #1, Creighton kid #2 . . ." There were 6 of them. I texted the group, introducing myself, and asking one of them to pick up the crutches, giving directions for where to go on campus. Reg got the crutches. (note to self:  bring cookies to this kid in a few weeks when we go for parents' weekend)

Reg went to the U BREAK WE'LL OVERCHARGE U place, and they fixed his phone for another $200. 

Meanwhile, Lad dealt with the local WE FIX STUFF place that had done a lousy job replacing Reg's screen. (no one has broken more phones than Lad, and he knows a thing or two about how to promise to leave a 1 star review). He demanded they reimburse the $220 following the crap job they did. Let's just say, Lad called me after he got them to pay the piper, asking WHAT'S NEXT? 

Best of all - Reg's foot is healing. I'll refrain from showing photos, but it looks so much better and he thinks he can walk again today or tomorrow. 

*****
In other good news, Kay started school Tuesday. We made it through the summer. I woke up Friday (my day off) knowing I'd be gone all weekend. I was bound and determined to do something special with her. I called a yarn store to see if we could get private lessons on crocheting. Didn't work that last minute, but back burner for another time. She and I went to mass Friday, followed by lunch, and time in the Maker Studio at the library, where she did an etching (burned image) and a carved name thing on a piece of wood for $4. She told the therapist Monday that it was one of her favorite days she's spent with me.

tracking down abroad friends & no, I didn't intend to drop a baby on 'home soil'

When my brother, Pat, got married in Ireland in 2002, Coach, Lad, Ed, and I stayed with my former classmate, Aisling's parents near Dublin. Aisling was a bridesmaid in my wedding. 

*As students, Pat teased Aisling (whose name is pronounced Ash-ling, but the g is sorta silent, I guess) that her name should be Shling based on the spelling, so we all called her Shling. They all called me Rin, claiming that my real name was the same name as a certain country, IYKYK, which wasn't a name at all, thus Rin.

Anyway, at the time of Pat and Aunt Leprechaun's wedding, I was enormously pregnant with what would be a 10 lb 3 oz baby Tank. I was only like 29 weeks pregnant, but I looked like I was carrying twins or Godzilla's lovechild. The Aer Lingus staff almost didn't let me on the plane, because they believed I was about to deliver. 

Imagine a Lucky Charms voice, spoken with a head tilt similar to a nod but done on an angle, chin to one side, forehead opposing directions (yes, it's a very specific thing cute Irish men do, sort of like a compliment and it's the sweetest gesture ever):  

"Ya tryin' te half dat babe on home soil now?"

Me:  No, I am not. I just have large babies with big Irish heads.

Shling's folks gave us an entire floor of their house and we settled in for a few days with our littles (Lad and Ed) until they adjusted to the time difference. Her parents had also stayed with my folks when they came to the States. 

I'd not kept in touch with my other friends, but after I dug up my journal and started pouring over the photos in my abroad album - I found a few of the other girls who were part of our group. Two of them (Shling and Yvette) had stayed with my parents the summer after I graduated college. They worked as waitresses at the country club where my brothers and Coach (at that point he was just my brother's friend - we weren't dating) caddied. If you've seen Caddyshack, the movie, then you know that the waitress who dates the main character, Danny, is from Ireland. All summer we joked that we were recreating Caddyshack. 

AI told me that my friend Niamh teaches school near her hometown. It shared the name of the school. She'd never married, so I went to the school's website, found her email address, and sent her a message:  Did you attend Maynooth in 1992 and hang out with an American everyone called Rin? 

Within minutes, she emailed me back:  Hey Rin, you found me. 

We exchanged a few emails, and then moved on to Whatsapp. She's from county Mayo. They'd just won the Gaelic soccer championship for the first time in like 50 years, so she sent me videos of them celebrating with their elderly dad. So fun. Her dad was quite the character. 

I found Yvette on FB, and we messaged back and forth a bit too. 

Tank just admitted that he wants to get back over to Ireland to visit Shling's folks. He stayed with them the year he studied abroad (just for a visit - he was in Limerick - they are not far from Dublin). I do hope to get to a handful of Curly's games, but dang - I'm getting the itch to go back for a visit too. I can meet up with Niamh and Vettie, and Shling. 

I was gonna share this in the upcoming 'look what I found in the boys' room' post, but it fits here. Tank bought a piece of the Berlin Wall when he was abroad. He stayed with Shling's parents and showed his touristy purchase to her dad, Hector. Hector found it very funny. How would Tank know if this was indeed from the Berlin Wall? When Tank arrived home, he found a rock in his bag. He couldn't figure it out, but I knew right away. Hector! He wrote 'Rock of Cahsel' (a famous castle in Ireland) on it in sharpie. I love that he pulled this prank on Tank.

****

Where would you like to revisit, or just plain visit? Anyone have a good nickname from college or childhood days? Also, I was in NYC this weekend. I sat down to draft a post and my mind went blank. This was in my drafts. Feel free to remind me, what are some of the posts or updates I've been promising?

Dilemma with the RSVP: what would you do? & pulling off the Pope hat (skippable sections for regular readers)

*If you're not new here, skip the refresher sections*

Sometimes I have a list of things to write about, and then stuff crops up and I write about something else entirely. This is one of those times. 

Dilemma:  We need to RSVP soon for Niece's wedding. 

*****

Refresher:  Niece is the one my dad recently called a nut. When I defended her saying 'her family never treated her well' - Dad said, "She didn't deserve it." 

Niece marches to the beat of her own drum for sure. The way I understand it, she was diagnosed with ODD and never got therapy as the marines wouldn't have sent her family to an overseas deployment (her father is a marine). Instead she acted out and her family grew frustrated.

I relate to Niece as the unique soul in the family. What I lacked in behavior issues, I made up for in being 'different'. I played outside barefoot, building duck ponds in the adjacent vacant lot. I got h0llered at for crafting before crafting was cool, making a mess when messes weren't tolerated. I was always to blame for the one damn pair of scissors (solidarity, Nance!) missing from the kitchen drawer (the horrors). I wasn't quiet and shy like my sisters. (Thank God). I wasn't good at sports like my brothers. Mom urged my brothers to attend my b-ball games purely for the entertainment value. As the middle, I was the only one without a buddy. No one stuck up for me. Two older sisters had each other's back. Two little brothers were practically Siamese. 

All that to say, today I'm grateful. My birth order/family of origin stuff built character. 

*****

Niece's wedding is Oct. 17th near Green Bay. 3 hours away. The RSVP due Sept. 4th. 

• Reg will be home that week for fall break. He might be getting his wisdom teeth out. If he doesn't - waking up in Green Bay that Sunday and having to get back to Omaha . . . not ideal. 
• Curly can't go - been there, tried that
• The older kids don't wanna go. Maybe if it was closer? Ed texted me today to say that when he gets married he won't be inviting all of my-side family members. 
• I thought for sure Mini would go. She's said a million times - as recently as last year before cousins were engaged, "I cannot wait for all the cousin weddings." She told me she'd have more fun going to see her friends in the city that weekend. I pushed her a little, considering she's tight with two of Niece's sisters.

Mini:  I don't like conflict and it'll be awkward, because of everything. I don't wanna go.  

*****

(refresher:  Marie is her godmother and didn't wish her a happy birthday in April and struggles to greet her when she sees her at my folks' house. Moments after I confronted Marie and Ann with "Why is the adoption so polarizing for you?", they unfollowed all of my offspring on socials. tee hee hee - can you even? As Ed says SHOOT, MY BORING AUNT ISN'T FOLLOWING ME ANYMORE). 

*****

I'm assuming Coach and I will attend. Skipping it would feel like a boycott, or like I'm afraid. Plus, I wanna show up for Niece. I don't think she'll mind if we skip it, but I wanna be there to accept her and all of her antics or her over-the-top choices, while my sisters exchange pouty faces when Niece bucks tradition. 

My folks' caregiver sees things clearly. She told me that Marie asked her to take my folks to the wedding and drive them home the same day. Staying overnight wouldn't be easy for them. 

Coach:  That's a long day for them. 

Caregiver can't, as she'll be home in Ireland for a visit. I've thought about offering to take my parents. That would give Coach and I a reason to leave early. But, no one is asking us and I'm a nice human, so if someone asked I'd probably agree to do it - but I also don't necessarily feel like coming to Marie's rescue on this. I don't need to take one for the team when the team doesn't play nice.

We could possibly leave Kay and Rae at Coach's brother's house in northern Illinois, and pick them up on our way back. I guess they were invited, but we'd enjoy ourselves more (or manage the tension better) if we're solo. The invite came to our  home, addressed to 'Shenanigan Family'. Three older boys all live outside of the house for over a year and they didn't receive their own invitations, so if Plus 1's are included - it's ambiguous. Is that odd, or is it just me? Our niece on Coach's side (wedding in Sept) sent invites to the older guys at their homes.  

The hat has the Sox logo on the
front and the tails in the back.

His excellence and Nana

Mini and I took turns sitting with Nana Tues night, while my brothers and 'Beth', one of Ann's daughters, took my dad to the White Sox game. I took the late shift. Now that she works, Mini turns in early. My dad walked in at 11:15 pm, pushing his walker and wearing a Pope hat. Apparently Beth got it as a give-away at a previous Sox game, and she gave it to my dad at the game. He was fake blessing other fans, who approached him requesting to be blessed by 'the Pope.' 

*****

Should I:  

1.  Offer to drive my folks to the wedding, but then claim the rights to wearing the Pope hat? 

2. Beg Tank and Mini to go to the wedding to represent our offspring? So Coach and I have reinforcements who come equipped with a great sense of humor and quick wit. 

3. Boycott and send Niece money towards a down payment for a house (that's what she's asking for on her registry and I know she would appreciate it).

4.  Fill in the blank:  What would you do?

A full week: blogger meetup, the 'grind', back to school bash, Irish music, and more

* I apologize for not responding to recent comments. I'll get there soon. This first week back to work has kicked my butt, thus 'a full week' title. 

*****

Sunday = Funday thanks to visitors

Earlier in the summer when Kyria reached out to say she and Birchie would be in my area the weekend of Aug 15th, I was so excited. I was also thinking WHOA, HANG ON. WHAT IF I'M NOT IN TOWN TO SEE THEM? 

Coach and I worked out the 'who's on first' deal over here with college drop offs, and meeting blog friends for dinner Sunday the 16th would work. 

I would've liked to invite them to my abode to sit on the deck and sip an adult beverage or to enjoy a meal (barring Mini from assisting with food prep) or to spend the night, but with college kids departing, our home was up for grabs. Understatement. 

After decluttering the boys room and reintroducing the carpet to the joys of the  vacuum, I mopped my sweat, changed into a summer dress, and darted around the kitchen for a few minutes before leaving to meet Birchie and Kyria. 

Coach (who'd just arrived home after driving Reg to Omaha):  WAIT, ARE YOUR FRIENDS COMING HERE?

Me (cackling like a maniac):  What? Look around you. (flails arms to indicate the debris - stacks of high chairs waiting to be set up and emptied Amazon boxes, toppled laundry baskets). I'm meeting them out obviously. 

We met at a Mediterranean spot ten minutes from my house. It was delightful (the food was good too). So fun. I heard more about their travel itinerary and we discussed books a bit, and I updated them on life at Chez Shenanigan. While we chatted, we feasted on kebobs. Kyria ordered an appetizer plate too, and while I'm not usually a fan of hummus, this version was delish. The employee was unsure if the rice contained gluten, so I chose salad-type sides. I succeeded in avoiding an epi-pen episode, which is always the goal. 

Back at home, I set up pack and plays, hauled toys up from the basement, did a load of baby sheet laundry, and arranged junior-chairs and high chairs in the kitchen with a slight spring in my step. There's nothing like a fun blog meetup to outweigh  the bummer of the approaching academic year of tots and babies. 

Daycare days  

Kay doesn't start school till Sept. 1st., so a chunk of my time each day is spent finding ways to keep her busy. Daycare ramped up. I was silly enough to think I was gonna find time to write a Thursday post. And in my comments, Joy Marie asked about my daycare, noting that I didn't say much about it last year. 

In this case:  no news is good news.

I will share some daycare updates and deets soon, but all positive. I care for the cutest group with the best parents, who are so gracious.  

Back to School Bash (BSB)  

Years ago, we hosted a Back to School Bash, starting when Curly was 3. These parties were one of my fav things. About a dozen families attended, and brought food to share. Coach grilled piles of burgers and dogs. Parents gathered in the kitchen or on the deck. Dozens of kids played flashlight tag (I bought a ton of tiny flashlights). The night was full of laughter and great memories. Ah, the good 'ole days.

A few weeks ago, I suggested that we recreate BSB with families we've met thru Rae and Kay. Only about 6 families could attend on Friday, but dang - it was a lot of fun. (again -I'm laughing at how I thought I'd get a blog post written for Thursday). I worked to get the house in order and I made food, but I chose NOT to get stressed about whether or not the house looked perfect decent or about potential rain. 

Funfact:  Our basement has gotten water 3 times this summer (1st time in 18 yrs since we moved here) - all since our roof was redone and they reconfigured the gutters. Guess who isn't returning our calls? The roofers. 

Anyway, the carpet padding hasn't been replaced and things are a bit disheveled down there. My plan worked. It did not rain, so kids played volleyball in the yard, and I did not stress out.

Sunday & the week ahead  

Lad and GF watching a band
 in the row in front of us.

I wonder if I might get to see the traveling twosome again as they make their way back thru the Midwest. Mini and I fly to NYC this weekend, so I'm not sure if the timing will align. Thanks to the BSB, the house has been restored to a (mostly) presentable condition. So if my bloggy friends are in the hood while on their way home - they're welcome to stay. 

We haven't seen the girls' bio grandparents in a long time. As a reminder:  they have struggled to follow the boundaries we've set, etc. We invited them to meet us at Rae's away volleyball game that's in their neck of the woods Tuesday night. Fingers crossed that this short visit goes well.

I'm drafting this post Sunday night, following a weekend that I anticipated being full of time to catch up on 'things' - aside from our Fri party. Instead it was a case of LOTS OF UNPLANNED HAPPENINGS, many good things, but my bills and other to-do's await. 

Coach and I used to take the kids to Milwaukee Irish Fest annually without fail. We stayed in a hotel for two nights. A big splurge for us, but we loved it. Since it's usually held during college drop off, we haven't been in years. Lad and his GF were going to a local/much smaller Irish fest, and he urged us to attend. Tank was home for the weekend, so Coach and I brought Mini, Tank, Rae, and Kay Sunday afternoon. Great music. So fun. Seeing all the young families with the babies dressed in green - wow, did I feel nostalgic. 

*****

Have you done anything lately that reminded you of days gone by? What sort of things have interrupted the progress you've imagined in your mind for a 'quiet' weekend? Have you ever attended an Irish Fest?

Monday Medley #3: drop off, room deposit, "Well-timed, Mini", blogger meetup, & cracking the code on password storage edition

Her bed. She added more pictures later.
She loves Spidey. He weighs a ton.

I know I have a few posts that are backing up over here. I started prepping the abroad stories part deux, but switched gears to share a few current situations.

1. Curly drop off: After we moved her in Wednesday, we had dinner with the other parents and their daughters (Curly's roomies). All three girls are from the Midwest. The girl she shares a bedroom with lives about 35 minutes from us. They hung out a few times over the summer, hit it off, and voted to be roommates. 

What's a college dorm room
without a cute tiger bath rug?

A nice looking outdoor b-ball
 court outside her dorm.
There's also an outdoor pool. 
Curly pushing the cart back
to the car, probably
 to college another 25
hoodies. What even?

There are 4 freshmen teammates in their room, 2 each to a bedroom in an apt style dorm with a full kitchen, a common room, and essentially 2 bathrooms (a shared sink, but it's a double sink). The 4th roomie did orientation earlier in the summer, because she lives nearby. She moved in Saturday, so we haven't met her yet. 

On the way back from dinner Wed night, Curly said:  I love my room, I love my roommates. 

Coach and I ditched one session or Thursday's orientation so he could see the convocation center where Curly will play basketball. It's a newer building, and so impressive. 

We said good-bye at 3:00 Thursday - leaving her to attend to the 'tie up loose ends' portion of orientation on her own. We high tailed it up to grab Kay and Rae from Uncle's house and get on the road. 

The cute downtown area.
SC - why so hot?

The good-bye: not a tear was shed. Not Curly. Not me. She's ready. She's happy. It's gonna be great. (Did I have a mild panicky feeling as we drove home . . . remembering just how far away she is? Well, yes- but I'll fly down to watch her play. The drive is brutal). 

2. If the weather gives you time to clean your room, do THAT:  Reg texted us while we were in SC. Another tornado. More severe storms. The golf course was closed for 2 days. He'd hoped to rake in more caddy money in the home stretch.

The woman, aka ME, whose daycare starts up tomorrow:  Clean your room!

I hopped on FB to alert the area that my college kid was available for hire to weed, do lawns, lift heavy items, run errands. He scored a weeding job from someone and one of Tank (and now Kay's) regular customers hired him to paint. So he earned some dough, but since I've spent most of Sunday, my last day of summer, cleaning his room, and clearing the clutter - mostly clothes . . . he will be losing his room deposit. *I've said before that I'd fine them, and I wish I'd outlined that - put it in writing, because C'MON NOW. I'm next level angry, but will let him settle into school for a few days before I share my frustration with him. 

Reg earned over 17k this summer. Crazy, right? He tracked how many loops he had. 80. After adding up the miles he walked while carrying bags, he calculated that he could've walked to Omaha from our home and half way home. 

Because the derby horses winter in Aiken,
there's horse statues everywhere.
Outside the convocation center. 

In other words:  he can afford to pay for my cleaning services. 

3.  Blogger meet up:  As I draft this Sunday afternoon, I'm excited that in a few hours I'll be meeting not 1, but 2 bloggers. Stay tuned for details. 

4.  Timing:  Mini stayed downtown Friday night after work with college friends. She plans to move downtown with a roomie/friend from ND eventually. Both girls are living at home in their respective burbs, commuting to the city for work. 

I was filling her in on the details of Curly's move in on Saturday, when she said:  

SO I THINK I'LL PROBABLY MOVE OUT IN NOVEMBER. 

November? So soon? Now hang on. Curly and Reg both just left and this is when you drop the upcoming date of sadness on me? It's fine. I'm grateful she didn't land in NYC. 

Note to self:  draw up the room deposit requirement now. The messy-trail-leaving issue is strong with this one (said in a Yoda voice). 

What is even happening here?
He keeps it next to his
recliner chair in the
 family room. Wedged in there.

5.  Can you find that password for me? I don't know, can I? While Coach drove Reg back to Omaha Sat. at 11:30 am (less than 24 hours after the SC road trip), he called me and asked me to look up the password, so he could pay Reg's tuition. I'm sharing a photo here of my husband's intricate password protection system. Don't try this at home. It's so challenging to read his chicken scratch on this falling-apart file, that I'm not the least bit worried that one of you will hack into our kids' colleges and . . . try to pay their tuition? 

*****

After clearing the boys' room of 'stuff', I've come up with a new idea for another post. I'm adding 'look what I found'  - a photo journal of things unearthed in their room to my queue of posts. Get excited. Do you know someone who writes stuff on a folder - like in all different direction, with arrows, and scratch outs, etc.?  Anyone live close enough to Aiken, SC that they might wanna go see a game? I'm laughing at myself - thinking it would be faster to write up this post vs. take 10 min to edit a draft. I'm def procrastinating/not accepting that Monday morning, when you read this - I'll be back in the swing of my daycare. 

Quality Inn Anniversary and more adventures

Coach and the three youngest girls and I stopped midway to Rock Hill (where his brother's family lives) on Monday night. We were in Chillicothe, OH. I was driving, so he was in charge of finding a hotel for the night. 

Weird thing:  GPS offered us two routes when we left home. 'Suggested route' and 'fastest route'. We chose the main road route (which I think was fastest) through Indianapolis and following 75 south. The other route looked like it was thru the middle of nowhere. No Thanks. At some point, we ended up on the off-the-beaten-path route. We still aren't sure how that happened. 

*****

Before GPS, I grew up with a dad who carried a green, leather bound road atlas under one arm when he walked to the car for a fam road trip. He always poured over the map for days leading up to our travels, noting the desired route on a yellow lined notepad. 

Is it me, or does that sound barbaric now? I don't think I could've ever left my home if not for GPS. Am I alone? 

*****

Our minivan with a luggage
carrier bag thing on
top - this helped get Curly's stuff to college,
 but it whistled most of the way here and
 we are thrilled we won't need it on
 the way home. And my dessert treat.

Anyway, we were shocked that most of the name-brand hotels like Fairfield and Marriott this or that were booked in Chillicothe, Ohio. On a Monday night. Huh? We ended up at a Quality Inn. I was underwhelmed. 

Coach:  Well, it has 2 double beds and a couch.

Me (while I drove):  Does the couch pullout?

Coach:  I dunno. 

I don't think I've ever seen so many 'no smoking' signs, and yet the whole place wreaked of cigarette smoke. Our room had the two double beds, and two couches - both pulled out into full size beds. Curly, Rae, and Kay all got their own full size bed and Coach and I got to share a full size bed. 

Me (in the fam group chat):  Nothing screams 'we've been married for 30 years' like me being jealous of the 3 girls with their own bed as 6'4" Coach and 5'9" me crammed into the remaining double bed on this, our 30th anniversary. 

After getting settled at 10:30 pm, we said good-night to the girls. Then Coach and I went to the hotel bar for one drink. This local watering hole was named Patrick's Pub, so how could we not? On the way, we passed the car. Coach unlocked it and pulled out a surprise GF Bundt Cake for me. True love. 

*****

As I type this, I realize I have a few posts to share:  the story behind the fam heirloom. More about my year abroad in Ireland. Judging by the comments, that topic doesn't stir up much interest, but I'll subject you to it anyway. Get excited. 

Would you be able to travel without GPS? Would you keep driving if the hotel options were icky?

Happy 30th Anniversary to us & the Last word for the win

Recap:  Last week, I was upset that my dad switched gears, deciding that my published story was mean. 

Dad:  You hurt those kids.  

'Kids?' My sisters are over 58. Ann is barely mentioned in the story. Dad told me a few months prior that it was a funny story. What changed? (I suspect Marie told him what she didn't like about it). Then when I told him that referring to Niece as 'a Nut' was mean, he agreed. 

Me:  Her family (sibs and parents, esp her mom - my sister Marie) have never been nice to her. 

Dad:  She didn't deserve it. 

What about his strong Catholic faith? I wasn't having it. Particularly because I identify with Niece. Unlike her, I wasn't an extreme nonconformist growing up, but I was the odd man out, the one who didn't quite fit, the kid the other sibs locked out of the house for hours when our parents left for the day. It brought back all the feelings from the home where favoritism was The System. I didn't matter. 

Regrouping:  I met with our fam therapist, created a list of talking points. My overall message:  I love you. This has been hurtful. My sisters hung up on me, when I called to ask what they thought about the story. I wasn't given the chance to say SORRY. THIS WASN'T INTENDED TO BE HURTFUL. IT WAS OVER 40 YEARS AGO, AND I BELIEVED IT WOULD TICKLE THE FUNNY BONE - NOT MEANT TO INSULT. And my sisters can be hurt or mad at me, and two - that doesn't need to impact our ability to communicate about our aging parents' health.

Go time (I felt sick to my stomach):  Coach and I went to my folks' house Friday evening. 

For each point I made, my dad disagreed, claimed he'd always treated his kids the same. I pointed out how he had stopped donating to ND because Pat's daughter, "O" didn't get in (TBH we all believed she'd get in ahead of Mini. Her dad went there. She's brilliant. I don't think she was involved in as much as Mini, but who knows why she didn't get in). At the same time, Mini DID get in, and what if he celebrated THAT and chose to continue to donate to his alma mater? What if he shared his football tickets/parking passes with Coach and I, since he'd have a better lottery number as an alum? 

It was just my kid though, so it didn't matter. 

To this, Dad said the reason Pat's daughter didn't get in, BRACE YOURSELVES, . . . and I knew what he was gonna say, because I'd heard it before and I begged him not to voice the ridiculous, absurd thought, but he insisted:

"O" DIDN'T GET IN, BECAUSE PAT MAKES TOO MUCH MONEY. 

Friends, my brother makes great money, but Mini knew people at ND who had literal mountains of money, houses everywhere, yachts, all.of.it. Pat's income is not in the same ballpark. *sigh* And that's besides the point. Mini did get in - why not be excited about that and continue to donate for the underdog grandkid who beat the odds and got in?

I had pages of points to make. I got thru most of it. 

I asked him where in the bible it states that when someone is not like everyone else, like Niece, that they don't deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. (He didn't argue this point).

The exit:  Finally I said the piece about how my sisters could be mad, but they should still communicate. Said I loved them, and that this was a system they'd put in place and that they couldn't fix it, but moving forward they could try not to play favorites (I've cut the Great Furniture Giveaway example - I'll share it soon). I informed him that I'm praying for my sisters, because I think they're struggling.

Coach said in the car after we left:  I WANTED TO SAY THAT ERNIE JUST LISTED HOW SHE'S BEEN HURT, BUT SHE STILL SHOWS KINDNESS, IS SUPPORTIVE, WISHES PEOPLE HAPPY BIRTHDAY, COMMUNICATES. UNLIKE HER SISTERS, SHE'S NOT INTIMIDATING NIECES AND NEPHEWS OR REFUSING TO TEXT IN A GROUP CHAT. 

Me:  Turn the car around. Please, go in there and say that!

And we did. And my dad, who had behaved as if everything I said was inaccurate or inconsequential, got very quiet when Coach spoke. Dad raised his eyebrows, pursed his lips, and he seemed to listen. 

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. Even though he refused to embrace what I was saying. I got it off my chest. Cleared the air. And, on this our 30th anniversary, I get to share with you that Coach seemed to get through to him. 

On my next visit to my folks', my dad gave me this:  

A family heirloom. More later . . .