NaBloPoMo: talking tailgating, a talk, and a (night) terror Tuesday

Coach was invited to speak at a retreat reunion of sorts at church last month. The date conflicted with the ND tailgate we hosted, so instead he agreed to be the November speaker. He failed to run the date by me. 

It was Saturday - Mini's last ND home game. If the weather was good - I hoped to join the tailgate fun*. 

* different than running it, mind you. I wouldn't be procuring the parking pass, camping at the entrance at the butt crack of dawn, scoring the best parking spot, and I wouldn't be purchasing enough alcohol to sink a ship. I would bring food, because I'm me. 

At first, I thought it was a night game. That would give me time to attend Coach's talk and then drive to ND. But, the game started at 2:30 (our time). Ugh. The weather looked perfect - upper 40s, sunny, and dry. 

I opted to be supportive and hear his talk, even though he said since I'd heard him practice it at home I could skip it. 

Saturday morning, Coach left early to attend his men's prayer group before his talk. 

Meanwhile - I dreamt that I overslept, a kid (who I don't babysit this year) wet his pants. I couldn't get the bathroom light on to clean him up. I had to shower. It was clear I'd miss Coach's talk. I was relieved that it was just a nightmare.

Coach's co-worker, who's like family/ has worked for him for decades, came over to sit for the girls, so I could leave. I scooped up the food/cooler for the tailgate, my extra layers, and headed to the church. Curly had a game and had to leave right after me.

There were about 30 people gathered. Coach was nervous, but once he got up there and started talking, he looked calm. He later said he felt calm. 

Sunset over the lake at ND on Saturday,
 spotted when I was nearing
 my 'ready to drive home' time.

He described his faith journey, our adoption experience with the ups and downs and decisions, and how we've trusted in God's plan. He mentioned how the issues we've had with 'an older kid' prepared us a bit for our current life. 

He did an excellent job, and I was so proud of him. I might've cried a little. 

I bolted afterward, drove to ND, tailgated, and had a blast. Um, so much so, that when the game started (no interest in attending), I needed to take a lap, or several, around campus so my margarita and 2 High Noons would not impair my drive home. I'm a lightweight. In my defense there wasn't a lot of GF food, aside from my 7 layer taco dip and some peppermint bark. Yum, but not filling. Good thing I snagged some of my taco dip when I set it up on the table. It was devoured. 

*****

Jenny asked me ages ago about my usual tailgate menu. I'll add that to my posts to share this . . . the last week of NaBloPoMo. I hope to share our anniversary tale too. Any other stories I've forgotten, or topics inquiring minds want to know? (oof, I still have a few more kids to write about in more detail). 

NaBloPoMo: 5 things that happened Friday

1. Haircut:  I have Fridays off (HOORAY!). 9:00 morning mass, then a 9:45 haircut. My hair dresser is the best. I love chatting with her. I showed her the video of my balding head bouncing around at Curly's game and (when she stopped laughing) she gave me a powder to use to cover my scalp. It attaches to hair follicles. Hmm? 

2. Friendsgiving:  Kay's school had friends-giving at noon. I signed up to bring a turkey breast and pumpkin bread. Because it's my day off, I sort of resent Friday events. The other 8th grade mom I know was out of town, so I was sort of underwhelmed, but I walked in and 'Suzie' waved to me. She has kids at the two schools our girls attend. It hadn't dawned on me that I'd see her. 

In October, I got stuck at Rae's volleyball game forEvah, because Rae worked the scoreboard for the next game. I met Suzie in the stands. She asked me about the adoption. Holy long story, but she was engaged in the story. On Friday, we ate together. Another mom, whose daughter graduated with Rae, sat on the other side of me. Two kind and lovely moms to talk to on a Friday afternoon? Why can't we do Friends-giving every Friday? 

3. To fly or not to fly:  Coach and I spend Friday afternoons together. The girls get driven straight to therapy, returning home at 6:40. Respite! We looked at flights to somewhere warm in late Dec. As expected, too pricey. Between waiting for Curly's b-ball schedule and mapping out older kids' availability, we missed out. Other thoughts:  Drive to St. Louis? Tour Anheuser-Busch? Stay tuned. 

4. Cocktails and errands:  We've been enjoying a small plate and

A great Friday treat.

cocktails at the same Mexican place the last several Fridays. Afterwards, we ran to Osco for a few things. I suggested to Coach that he get beer for T-giving after he got my RX.

Coach:  No, I'll do that later. I have to pee. 

Me:  Huh? Go to the bathroom and THEN get the beer. (I pointed to the bathroom)

Coach:  I didn't know they had a bathroom here. 

I assure you that I didn't keep my husband in a cage for the first 29 years of our marriage, but he did work nonstop and didn't get out much.

5. Volleyball banquet:  We went to Curly's banquet and the girls' driver dropped them off there. In the past, the banquet was held at a local pizza place, where we'd  barely be able to move/find a seat. Total upgrade, plus food I could eat. 

Curly was awarded the sportsmanship award and made all conference and all state honorable mention . . . for a sport that's not even her main sport. 

*****

Any suggestions for us to go away (somewhere drivable) for a few days late Dec? What do you like to do on a day off? Is your hairdresser delightful?

NaBloPoMo: Family therapy for the win

Last week Rae and I attended a family therapy session. Coach was out of town at a course, and it was his birthday - but he called over his lunch, offering his two cents while on speaker phone.

Me:  I think part of the reason Rae had a meltdown last week is that she didn't want to 'dip down to Kay's level'. In other words, Rae has made progress, and works hard to do what we ask. As a result, she enjoys privileges. I think she holds herself up as being 'next level' well-behaved. 

I baked these while
 babysitting last week.
With all the therapy
sessions and emails
 to therapists, it's hard
to find time to bake!

On the other hand, Kay has been unable to stop lying and sneaking. She breaks rules all the time. I suspect that Rae lives in fear of losing ground and doesn't want to be lumped with the kid who 'doesn't get it' yet. 

Katlyn the therapist:  Hey, the goal is that both you and Kay grow and mature. It's not a competition. If you both 'get it', that means mom and dad are happier. Life is better at home. 

I loved how she redirected Rae (who's not admitting that she's fearful of being downgraded to 'the troublemaking' level, but I tend to see things pretty clearly), She invited Rae to nudge her sister, show her the way to making better choices so that WE CAN ALL ENJOY LIFE BETTER. (I can't imagine it). 

Me:  I've heard Rae talk, almost brag, about how she doesn't really talk about her trauma in individual therapy. 

Well, it might not be easy, but it's important to address it, because then hopefully you avoid these times when you've pushed trauma down and it bubbles up. 

Coach and I:  It isn't fair. You girls didn't ask for trauma, but here we are. We have a kid with severe OCD. That kid didn't ask for that - it's not his fault, but he works diligently to cope with it.

Katlyn asked Rae if she could ask her a personal question. Were you about to get your period? No. 

Hmm, no free pass. 

I thought it was a good session. Coach couldn't always hear Rae's responses, so he wasn't convinced. I assured him that it hit home. Rae mumbled responses, and she cried most of the time. That's a sign that we're reaching her. 

*****

When I was growing up, my mom used periods in a derogatory way, asking my sisters and I if we were getting our period. "You're awfully crabby. Are you getting your period?" Sometimes in front of my brothers. I hated that. I go to great lengths to NEVER 'accuse' one of my girls of having PMS. I found it demeaning. Anyone have a similar experience? 

NaBloPoMo: Varsity girls review of last year's situation - "a new coach or we walk"

In a nutshell:  after we sued the school a few years ago, they fired the boys' basketball coach. Curly's varsity girl coach 'Mr. T' applied for and was hired to coach the boys.

Curly's varsity team made school history her sophomore year by competing at state while coached by Mr. T. Curly was super upset when he opted to coach the boys her junior year. 

Last year (junior year) season: (link to her highlights from last year - sharing it temporarily - I'll take it down soon, no pressure to watch) They hired a joke of a guy as a replacement to coach varsity girls. He didn't believe in plays. They couldn't in-bound the ball. He called timeouts as soon as we stole a ball, or scored a three, etc. 

What's this? I've attended more basketball games than seems humanly possible and this was a first. A new approach to coaching: Hey, other team - don't worry about stopping our momentum, we'll do it for you. It was painful.

After the '24 season:  the girls advocated for themselves (a certain mom, who'd filed a lawsuit, was keeping her distance, but was drafting lots of talking points). They insisted on a real coach. It wasn't equitable for the boys' to have a real coach, and the girls to have slop. 

The girls met with the AD and the principal. Brilliant. They needed the principal to hold the AD accountable. The principal was brand new (the other principal was there one year - then we sued, then he quit after his 2nd year). The administrators tried to brush the girls off. 

Unrelated but these
are Curly's friends in cat
masks they bought at a vendor
during a travel tournament. 

After spring break, the girls demanded a follow up meeting. They raised hell. 

Curly texted me afterwards:  Mom, I'm my mother's daughter. I recorded the entire thing. 

The voice recording on her phone was a thing of beauty (strictly to share at home, nothing more). Curly called them out on their sh*t. I was so proud. They contradicted themselves multiple times. Curly asked for clarification. Then said, "Well last time we met, you said xyz, and now you're saying abc. That doesn't make sense." 

The girls said they wouldn't play unless they got a new coach. A few days later, they saw the position posted online. Sweet! I never thought we'd see the day. She'd contemplated transferring. 

Enter Lucy, the assistant coach from the year they went to state. She texted Curly. She was taking the varsity job. Curly was elated. 

*****

Mr. T had Curly attend varsity boys' open gyms in the fall. The girls team doesn't have open gyms. During a break, he made her stand up and told all the guys:  She gives 110% always, etc. She was so embarrassed. 

I could never have addressed administrators as a junior in high school, how about you?

NaBloPoMo: Christmas shopping when the only thing our closets need is a CLEAN OUT

It's that time of year again. Christmas shopping. Blah. 

In addition to celebrating Christmas, we also have four kids with birthdays in December and January, and mine in late December. One year we gifted the kids a surprise trip to Disney for Christmas. I swore they weren't going to get a ton of gifts, because DISNEY . . . but I started buying a few things, and they made requests and they didn't know they were getting a trip and I . . . just . . . didn't stick to my original plan.

I mention this, because going somewhere (warm?) over break appeals. The thought of organizing schedules makes my head spin. Lad and Tank have new-ish jobs. Older kids like to celebrate NYE with friends, and the small window when Curly doesn't play basketball involves NYE. 

Our gifting/shopping dynamic works like this:   

• 99% of the gift ideas - me
• 100% of the gift buying - me 
• 100% of the gift wrapping - me, except those bought at my fav department store, Von Maur. They do free giftwrap. Love that. 
• hiding gifts (which isn't as big a deal anymore) - me

In addition to shopping for our kids:  

• I buy for our godchildren. I have 6 (1 is shared with Coach), Coach has 2 that I don't have. 
• I write our Christmas poem, which is a tale of our adventures all year - usually a funny angle. I fill the margins with as many photos as possible. Most people get the poem, but in addition I order a regular photo card. That photo was taken in July, but I need to select one.
• 
  I make a ton of food.
• I decorate the house, Coach hangs lights outside, but he's not really 'into' it and the older kids have pulled me aside:  Can you convince him to NOT to hang lights?  because they think his half-ass effort is embarrassing. 

If we do a short vacay, I could buy everyone one gift. Mini might appreciate a nice bag to take to a job . . . that she doesn't have yet. Rae doesn't have a phone and won't be getting one - but do they make little music-playing-only devices anymore? 

Mini texted: (a few weeks ago) Hamilton tickets are on sale in NYC.

Me:  Oh, funny. I was thinking for a Christmas gift we could all go to NYC and see a play or something. 

Mini:  Do it, that'd be awesome. 

I looked up tickets. They were like $345/each. I texted this back to Mini.

Mini:  That's insanity. 

Of course we've not looked at airfare anywhere. I've spoken to none of the older kids, who might have legit plans/thoughts. I mentioned Hamilton (the crazy cost, not like Hey this is what we're doing) when Ed was home for Coach's bday. 

Ed:  Oh, hell no. Do not make me go see that bull shit. 

So, what?:  get everyone a sweater, fluffy socks, gift cards to eat out, beer money, a book, a bracelet making kit, and collapse on the couch - hoping the closets decide to clean themselves? 

NaBloPoMo: 5 ways the weekend went sideways

The bold face bits are the highlights in case you wanna skim. It is NABLOPOMO, after all. 

1. Friday morning panic. Id' overlooked an email about a mass the girls were expected to attend for their OCIA class (Order of Christian Initiation of Adults, getting their sacraments). The email updates, sharing what's covered in class, well - I don't read them. Shock. I didn't know there was a 4:30 mass proceeded by 3:15, accompanied by their sponsors. Shit. 

I tried for a few minutes
to get Gumby rolled
 up and stored back in his
 bag. The weekend
would feel better if I accomplished
some home organization
task. He's been
 sprawled out in the living room
 since our tailgate over a
 month ago. He was
 getting handsy with me. I needed
to wait till reinforcements arrived.

*it was fine: We've been confused:  do we choose godparents or just a sponsor? Coach got clarification. One sponsor. We chose our top 2, and reached out. An aunt couldn't make it, so I stepped in. Our dear friend, Tim, attended. 

2. Friday morning, I texted a friend:  "Chat?" She's an adoptive mom who's so supportive. I know her Friday schedule is light. She called me, but I was on my run and Reg had just called me. I didn't realize until the next day that I'd missed her call. 

3.  My SIL texted me Friday morning:  "Can we host Christmas?" 

Huh -it's our turn? One less thing maybe, but we don't entertain often- don't have a huge group of friends. I was looking forward to hosting. Plus, gathering our crew (many 21+), driving an hour there/ back isn't ideal. Curly has a b-ball tournament- game times TBD.

But:  My BIL's 50th bday 12/27. Thursday we'd texted his sibs, offering to host the 20th so they could celebrate with friends the 27th. They chose the 27th. I get it, but the 20th then? 

Trees in our area
 are looking kinda
barren, but I like that
this one is a holdout.

* resolved-ish:  This SIL is lovely, but likes to get her way. I wanted to be flexible, but I've not hosted in years and it's our turn. I can wait till next year, but who knows - I could have a parent in hospice or Curly might play b-ball in a college tournie. I asked SIL to call me -  better than texting. I shared my feelings, saying Hey, if you want his bday - we can do the 20th. She's gonna see if BIL's bestie can  even attend on the 27th. By waiting most of the day to wrap my brain around it, I felt more prepared to say GO AHEAD AND HOST. We decided to wait and see.

4. My contact lenses felt horrible, so I'd take a break and put them in. I'd get grouchy because they hurt. Hey, these are one-a-days, so I could toss them - but they tear prematurely, so I try to conserve when possible. Was it because I was tired? I went to bed really late (well worth it, because I was chatting with Delilah) and up crazy early maybe cuz I'd had funky, not-great late night snacks. *(see what I did there:  I squeezed in a two-for-one bummer:  rotten sleep and rotten contacts)

5. Coach hopped on an earlier flight on standby. Amazing, because it was also his birthday. But -I wasn't prepared to celebrate. He wasn't due home till 10 pm. No big dinner made, or cake. We'd celebrated last weekend, but still!  

*****

Have you fallen down on the birthday celebration front? Do you like to host holidays, or happy to be off the hook?

NaBloPoMo: IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR! I'm ready, buy is my blood pressure?

Long time readers - do you know what I'm referring to? 

It's that time of year - the best time of year . . . 

Curly's senior year, high school basketball season.

There's a story about Curly's last year season that I've not shared, but I'll post about it soon.  

Bottom line:  the school hired the varsity girls a new coach. 'Lucy' is a woman who was the assistant coach on the history making compete-at-state season a few years ago. Curly loves Lucy, and Lucy confided in Curly that the only reason she's coaching varsity girls is because of Curly. (Lucy was the assistant when Mini played with her noodle arms and her 'This is fun' approach to basketball. Also an enjoyable experience, just different than Curly's competitive team). 

5 seniors play on this year's team. Curly's our tallest at 5'10".  She's often the ball handler, so not under the basket to rebound. Well, she is  . . . when she flies out of no where. 

Go time:  Our first game was Monday - it wasn't pretty, but we won. Then last night was the start of the T-giving tournie. We're hosting. 

Curly missed plenty of shots, but she played well. She had 30 of our 57 points. We were down by like 13 heading into the 4th quarter. We stepped up our game and staged a comeback. I was shaking like a leaf. Curly scored the basket to get us in OT. At the end of the first OT, she put up a buzzer beater to win it. It went in, but it was half a second too late. Didn't count. Our momentum took us all the way through double overtime. We WON.

This is a 10 second clip that Reg texted me at 11:20 pm. He's Curly's biggest fan. He watched her game. This is the buzzer beater that didn't count. Look at the bottom of the screen - who is that fan with the thinning hair? Yep, it's me - cheering like wild. When he texted, I was upstairs giving Curly a back rub, because she'd texted that she couldn't unwind to go to sleep. Welcome to the club. 

One of the best parts:  the football team had their awards thing, so most of them trickled into the girls' b-ball game afterwards from the auditorium. Very rarely do students (or anyone aside from parents) come to these games. A student cheering section! Curly said she couldn't hear what plays they were calling. 

I was gonna post something else, but I can't go to sleep NOW, too pumped up. Came home to draft this. Now you know. I'm a basketball adrenaline junkie. Curly said the team was teasing the coach after the game:  Cry, cry, cry! She said she was so happy, but could they just play like that in the 1st quarter next time? 

*****

Any suggestions with what I do with my time next year when Curly's away at college and I don't have her volleyball or basketball games to attend?  (deleting emails is a place to start . . . ) Do you get riled up at high school sports?