Fashion (almost?) Friday - Do I need the F?

My friend also wore all white, twining.
The filled in spot on my dress
 is right under the boobs. I am so
 white in that area, I prob
 could've gone without fixing it.

From a while ago:  I brought Mini and Curly to Von Maur on the Tuesday before thegraduation party and we bought Curly an armful of cute dresses. She is the queen of workout clothes, or cute tops and jean shorts. Some of the dresses weren't even on sale. I cared little. Mini was there to say - maybe not for grad party, but that one is a college girl staple. Thank you baby Jesus for the Mini influence and for Curly to be excited about so many cute dresses, and for the $150 gift card a mom I sit for gave me as a year-end gift. That covered at least half of our haul. 

I bought myself a white lace sundress. It had a cut out in the middle. I'm not a cut out sorta gal, so while I didn't shred buckets of cheese in advance of the grad party - I fixed my dress with some white eyelet fabric I had laying around . . . as one does. 

Not black tie optional, but CUTE:  I bought this dress a few years ago. Still has the tags on it. I couldn't pass it up. I thought I could wear this to my niece's wedding end of Sept in KC. Mini and Curly, who I modeled it for, said NOPE. Not black tie optional. I didn't believe them, but Mini used google lens and asked AI and AI was like NO BECAUSE the print, the length, the fabric, etc. 

Me:  OK, I got the message. 

I bought this one.

Dress shopping for the fun girls' night:  Mini, Curly, and I went dress shopping Tuesday night. We all need dresses for this wedding. Mini suggested that we rent them - that's what her college friends did quite often. So, must be trending. I don't think I'm that cool.

I only checked out the sale rack. Two dresses were probably geared for mother of the bride or groom dresses. (pics at bottom of post). The tan one was 75% off, so not returnable. I opted not to buy it, but for only $99 - 'twas tempting. I anticipate needing a mom of the groom dress sometime in the next year or two. The4 navy one was half price at $300. It's a MacDougal, which I'd only just heard of for the first time at the pricey resale shop that the older girls and I went to recently. 

So, I bought the bluish one. I might need an intervention or a boob job to pull it off, but I like it. I'll look around a bit more before I commit. Maybe it'll get marked down more in the next few weeks in which case I'll take it back and rebuy it. 

Breathing not allowed, size 2

Yes, it's hard to be me sometimes, why do you ask? 

Speaking of high-end resale:  When we were at the high-end resale, I tried on this amazing dress. It was a size 2. I'm a size 6. It's a Veronica Beard and I did get it zipped, but it took an act of God. No joke, there was something wrong with the zipper. The woman went to wax it and we did eventually get it up, but if breathing is essential - and I tend to find that it is, then this size 2 was not for me. Damn rib cage.

Anyway, when Mini was trying to figure out the zipper - like when it was in its 'I don't wanna zip' phase whether someone had it on or not, 

Mini said, "It's not you, it's the zipper." 

And now I want that on a t-shirt. 

Reg's caddy tan line is a silly looking
 fashion statement of its own.

Mini used google lens to find this same dress on Poshmark in a size 6 (I do wonder if I could make a 4 work - anyone have experience with Veronica Beard - does she run big?). 

I bought it on Poshmark - got an email confirmation. I was so excited and wondered why it hadn't come in the mail yet. I went back and looked at my emails and the order was cancelled minutes after I placed it, because the seller no longer had it. Huh? I had my heart set on it, and I might end up buying the 6 at a higher price. 

    

*****

Have you ever had such interesting and well defined tan lines? Would you buy a mother of groom dress THIS early, as in - there's no ring yet. Have you been to a black tie optional wedding?

Monday Medley #2

ENVELOPE ADDRESSING FOR BEGINNERS:  Curly brought her thank you notes downstairs. She wrote in cute, neat handwriting in the center of the envelope:  

To:  Uncle Mike 

From:  Curly. 

Me:  What? Where are you gonna put the address? 

Curly:  I'm just writing it the way they wrote it on the envelope they gave me.

Me:  Yeah, well, they hand delivered it at your party. You're mailing these. 

How does a high school grad think To:  &  From:  is included in addressing an envelope ?

LET THERE BE LIGHT:   This is a basement light switch that replaces a finicky dimmer switch. It took an act of God, the patience of a saint, a lot of fiddling, and unnatural wrist movements to turn the light on or off. Once on, we wiggled the switch to eliminate the strobe-light tendency. 

I opted to include a chunk of this photo collage of funny pics that's hanging next to the switch, because CUTENESS. Can you spot Tank's reverse mohawk or Reg wearing a dress up and a football helmet? Or Mini showing her muscles?

After living here for 18 years and acquiring the light switch on/off skillset involved in not hanging out in a dungeon like basement, Coach replaced the switch. 

I lack words to express how life changing this is. 

AI TO THE RESCUE:  Reading work that was generated by AI at my writing group is irritating. We changed the requirements to deter people from submitting work written by AI.  

When I was working on Curly's video, I asked AI for tips to add transitions to a group of photos vs each individually. I've used this software for years. Didn't think it was possible, but alas AI knew how to do it. 

Last week, I asked AI about people/ places from my study abroad year in 1991-1992, as I'm writing about that timeframe. I asked where my Irish friend was, giving key info. AI told me what school she teaches at. I found her email on her school's website, sent an email, asking "Is this the same Niamh who studied at This College in 1992? And hung out with an American, who you called Rin?"

Minutes later, I got an email back:  YES, RIN. IT'S ME! 

Amazing. 

Isn't it crazy to think that the younger generation will most likely stay in touch better because of social media and phones? 

MANIC MONDAY MOANING:  Rae's EMDR therapist moved her office to a new location following her medical leave (and forgot to tell us. We dropped Rae off and came back to get her and she'd been sitting in the waiting room the whole time. Never seen.) *deep breaths* 

After that fiasco, I discovered that this therapist's new location was near Kay's therapist. A 25 expressway-driving minutes drive from us. I aligned their appointments:  10:15 and 10:30 on Mondays, allowing 8 min between the two offices to drive back and forth for drop off/pick up. 

But . . . Kay's therapy has been on different days due to conflicts, ie:  her therapist was on vacation for 2 of the Mondays, etc. 

Today both appointments were set to align. A 1st. Rae's therapist emailed me Sunday:  'something came up. I can't see Rae until 2:30 Monday.' Huh?

I can't kill time between 11:30 and 2:30 in that area. I have to get Kay back near home to go to the barn at 1:30. Summer is almost over, and my 'this is how this will work' has not happened ONCE.

Also, last week I called insurance and the man I spoke to believed he'd cracked the code. Insurance should be paying (duh). A week later -no invoices have been paid. In order for Rae to go to the 2:30 session we need to pay invoices over 30 days old. I prefer not to beg to be reimbursed. 

I want to drive my white van through the entry way of the insurance building, which leads me to . . . 

MARVELOUS MONDAY  NEWS . . .  

WHITE VAN REINCARNATED:  I don't think I shared the harrowing details of how I got GW to a mechanic that Lad knew of - remind me. 

Anyway, I told the mechanic: no rush - take your time. Weeks later - he texted Saturday: fixed the wiring. Some modules were missing ground. 

For the small price of $600, which beats buying a different used van. I'm going later today to bring my baby back. No joke, I'm getting teary-eyed typing this. 

MINI JOB UPDATE:  Almost forgot to include . . . Mini got another offer. I think she'll be accepting the 2nd offer. More to follow. I'm not cut out for business world talk, but I AM here for the work wardrobe shopping. First haul set to arrive tomorrow, compliments of the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale (she can afford it). 

*****

Have you used AI to get in touch with someone you've lost touch with? If you haven't, is there someone you wish you'd kept in touch with or would consider looking for? Anything you'd like to moan about on this Monday? What skill do you think high school should be teaching? Anything life-changing yet simple that you're excited about?

Wet & Wild July 4th: if only arc-building was trending, & BIG NEWS

A few of us attended Ed's gf's family July 4th party. It looked like rain later, so we arrived early to swim. GF's mom's house has a beautiful pool and walkout basement, but Coach opted to stay home. 

He dislikes:  the sun and being social. 

When the rain reached 'time to build an arc' level, my brother, Pat, called. Mike was at our folks' house. Their basement was flooding. Mike needed help. Pat was at his lake house. 

Me:  Coach is at 4:30 mass, but he'll be home soon. I'll send him with towels. 

I didn't realize Coach was at a farther away parish (where we like to attend because amazing priests). He wasn't near home /around the corner from my folks.

I'd had a few adult beverages, so Curly drove. We were only 12 min from home. 

What an adventure. Roads were closed. We couldn't get home. It took almost an
hour. Coach called - same boat (how pun-funny is that?). Once he was nearby, Coach parked the car and walked to our house. I directed Curly to cut through the nearby church parking lot after zig-zagging thru neighborhoods/backing up when a road was blocked. The gate leading to the church's back-entrance across the street from our house is closed during the week, but they'd just had mass so it would be open. Bingo.

*Our fam theory:  the gate used to be left open most of the time. While Lad lived with us, he cut through the parking lot to the main street ALL THE TIME. Now the church only opens the gate for weekend mass. Thanks, Lad. 

We grabbed beach towels and the white towels we have leftover from Lad's swim team/water polo days. I use those for my daycare diaper changing area, etc. 

Curly hopping on a towel
 in my dream home hideout. 

At our house, the sump couldn't keep up. Water seeped out of the sump closet onto the carpet. It wasn't standing water, thank God. Oddly, we later discovered two other strips of carpeted areas were saturated. Outside the bathroom door - the edge along the tiled floor. And at the edge of the tiled floor along the kitchen area. What gives? 

Back at my folks' house  - the unfinished storage room flooded and it flowed into the carpeted area. Their basement is high-end everything. Ugh. Good thing Mike was there, because the sump alarm was apparently ear piercing. After soaking up the water, Curly and I took wet towels to the garage and stomped on them to wring them out before putting them in the dryer. 

If ever I go missing, check my folks' empty garage. I'd live there in a heartbeat. No clutter. Clean as a whistle. 

Rae helping Nana light candles.

Then their power went out. Sheesh. Later Pat hired a company to manage the carpet replacement/clean up, etc. 

Coach:  I wish we had a dehumidifier (for our basement)

(2 minutes later) Me:  Oh, here's one on FB for $90. Looks new. It's 4 miles away. 

I msg'd the guy and gave Coach his address. 

(after he picked it up) Coach:  I got there and the thing looked like garbage. 

Me:  So you offered him less?

Coach:  No. But I told him if it didn't work, I'd be bringing it back. 

Any guesses on who the haggle guru of the family is? It's been humming along, so whatever. 

I hopped on FB the next day when my folk's power was still out, and asked if anyone had a generator that we could borrow for my elderly parents. I'd moved loads of their fridge food to my fridge. 

A woman in their neighborhood let us borrow her generator. Coach brought it over, and discovered:  Ann had bought them a generator. Any guesses on how unproductive it is to function with family members with mental health issues who refuse to communicate in the family group chat?

Since their basement already had fans and a dehumidifier, Dad asked Coach to plug in the TV and the fridge. The White Sox were playing. #priorities

If we'd been smart, we would've pulled our carpet back right away. That damn thirsty pad sucked up water, saturating more of the padding than necessary. 

This was a first:  We've lived in our house for 18 years. 3 of Mini's college friends arrived the next day to sleep in our basement. Well, they planned fun things - their goal wasn't simply basement sleeping. Our moved-furniture and pulled-back carpet made the space a little less presentable, but they didn't mind. 

No clue how long till Coach pieces together new carpet padding, since we're DIY'ers. And since I know you know, wait till you hear the tale about the tree replacement tantrum that happened before the grad party. (I've got to add that topic to my list of things to draft).

*****

BIG NEWS:  MINI GOT A JOB TUESDAY IN CHICAGO AT A BANK. (more later - b/c guess who still is still interviewing at another bank ?- 2nd interview later today)

Have you ever experienced build-an-arc rain? A flooded basement? The day before hosting overnight guests? Verbally accepted a job, and then switched gears? (I don't think she'll do that. She's unsure if she'll like either position. Terms like futures, trading, options, client support, credit review, etc. are being tossed around. I'm the least business-ie person to have majored in business, so no help here).

A Monday Medley

So much to share - no common thread to pull it all together, so I give you:  

A Monday Medley

Well, not exactly - I'll have my hands full of
 babies and toddlers. Oof, that reminds me
- I gotta share deets about next year
in the Shenanigan Daycare.

-  A Ride for Kay:  A weight has been lifted. Janet emailed me. A new student who's joining her school has a sib that will attend Rae's high school. Janet connected us with the parents yesterday via email. 

They're willing to collect Kay at Rae's h.s. (both girls will get a ride there from our house), and drive her the rest of the way - and drop her back off at Rae's h.s. after school, where we can pick up both girls. It's a perfect arrangement. 

We 're happy to compensate them  - more reasonable than $$$$ to a pay a chauffeur. Such a relief. 

- Memory Care:  My dad started a new cancer drug - needed monitoring to see if the med would cause kidney damage, so he stayed in the hospital a few nights. Great news - no issues. Regardless, he's 86 and his health isn't great. He wants to keep fighting. Most likely Mom will outlive Dad. Aside from Alzheimer's, she's in good health at 84. 

Pat let me know that he and Mike were touring a pricey, memory care facility for Mom. Just in case/to be prepared. My friend advised against that place for a loved one based on her mom's experience. I shared her text in our family group chat. My brothers toured it and reported:  'it was great.' 

Currently my folks live in their home. They have caregivers come in during the day and evening. 

I told my siblings in September that we'd be willing to have Mom live with us if the situation arose (no need to remind me how hard this could become - if we can't manage it, we wave the white flag. If Mom is functioning well enough and not  combative/ trying to run away, etc. then I'd hope to keep her out of a home). 

My concern:  once Dad passes, my voice won't be heard. My sisters have stopped speaking to me. Ann has the health care directive power. I'm the only sib with a first floor bedroom (currently used as a study) and bathroom with a walk in shower who is home all day. I could end my daycare. 

Other cultures care for their loved ones in their homes in their final years. I'm not saying it would be easy, but I also don't understand why it's so out of the realm of possibilities. 

Pat texted in the group chat, requesting that we not mention this option to Dad yet. Why?

My dad is lucid. I would like him to know that if we're in a position to keep Mom with us, would that impact his directives, etc. Reg suggested we just move into her house after Dad passes. That'd be interesting. I fear she'll lose ground once she's no longer in her home.  

 - Movie:  we watched 'A Few Good Men'. Kay was at a last minute rodeo road trip from Wed evening till Sat night, so she wasn't home. The movie was recorded off of You Tube TV, so it lacked bad words. What it lacked in bad words, it made up for in entertaining dubbed in words with whacky mouth movements. We are big fans of this movie. We've seen it at least a dozen times. It's always great. 

- The Non-Chef:  Mini has a 2nd interview this afternoon. It would be great if she landed this. Prayers and good thoughts welcome.

COMING UP:  Four Eyes, the Wet & Wild 4th (I intended to write about that today, but forgot - sorry for the unintentional cliffhanger), & Connecting with People from my past. 

*****

Do you enjoy A  Few Good Men? Or what movie could you watch dozens of times and still enjoy? 

Thoughts on whether or not to ask Dad his thoughts on Mom moving in with us vs. memory care after he passes, if we are up to it at that point in time? I feel like this conversation would not need to include 'Pat and Mike just toured a place.'

then she asked: "Do any of your friends have teenagers?", a new recipe, & a flick that holds up and one that doesn't

PIVOT:  Our adoption preservation (AP) therapist just quit to start a different job, so the new one came to the house last Monday - the day after everything hit the fan (if you missed that post:   we discovered that Kay snuck money and bought donuts to bring to swim practice 3x last week). Timing. 

This therapy disruption is next level irritating. The goal was for AP to work to build a connection with Kay and I. Instead, the AP that just quit spent most of the school year meeting Kay during the school day. She met with me a few times. Our fam therapist, who sees Kay for individual therapy, wondered what the hold up was with the joint meetings - Kay and I together with the AP. 

Nutshell:  this AP therapist was acting as if she was Kay's individual therapist. Kay already has an individual therapist. This meant:  conflicting messages, time to vent about how 'hard' life is at home. Kay's the queen of half truths.  She'll tell me that girls at school aren't nice, but leave out that they got sick of her talking smack about them behind their backs. 

After we asked the AP therapist, who makes house calls, when connection work would begin, she shared that she was quitting her job. This is free therapy, so you get what you get, but frustrating.  

ALSO:  AP was also seeing Rae for individual therapy. Rae started EMDR therapy this summer. She's become dysregulated and some things trigger her and she might break down and cry at school. Remember how she started EMDR and insurance argued that our therapist wasn't in network? BCBS wouldn't pay. I spent so much time on the phone. Got it paid for. Then the therapist went on medical leave. Now she's back, and BCBS is back to acting like she's not in network. So, that's fun. 

Intro new AP therapist:  The new AP started on Monday 6/29th. She'd called when I was prepping for the party the week before, saying she hadn't read the file. I filled her in a bit while prepping food, describing the summer things Kay's been doing. Ultimately, I said things were improving. On Monday we described Sneaky Donut Girl situation, and boom - the trust we'd built crumbled.

AP admitted she hadn't read the file. Didn't know our background. Didn't know that the goal was connection. Then she launched into what dysregulation is. (when a kid goes into fight or flight and flips out, becomes violent, thrashing, shouting, etc.) She tried to say that Kay was dysregulated when she bought the donuts.

Me:  I'm gonna stop you right there. I know what dysregulation is. I've seen it. Dealt with it. When Kay planned to go buy donuts, took the money, left early to have time to buy donuts, went out of her way - yeah, she wasn't dysregulated. At all. 

AP:  Let's switch gears. What does a 14 yo look like to you?

Me:  A 14 yo does chores, hangs with friends, shows respect, works as a babysitter or caddy, maybe forgets to do chores but says things like Oh Yeah, I'll Do That Now. 

AP:  What you just described is more of an 18-19 year old. Do you know anyone who has teenagers? 

Me:  Yes I do! I have some myself. Pretty confident I know what a 14 year old is like. 

Later, I consulted our cherished and knowledgeable family therapist and she was upset with the lack of awareness of our connection goal. "You aren't asking her to give you parenting advice. Sheesh." Fam therapist suggested that I give it one more try and if she's still clueless - reach out to her supervisor. 

This Monday's meeting:  fine but lame. To get to know us, she asked us questions off a dialogue card, like What would you do with a million dollars?  I'm seriously considering cancelling. I don't like to waste my time.  

I imagine it would be easier to
make a new recipe
and NOT double it.

*****

Kay likes learning to cook. So last night, she and I made a new-to-us

I forgot to take a photo when
 of my plate. This is leftovers.
We ate it over rice.
It got high marks.

recipe as our 'thing to do together.' She requested stir fry. I give you chicken and sugar pea stir fry. It was tasty, even if the sugar peas were processed in a plant that also handles wheat and I ended up rubbing each of the 1.6 lbs of sugar peas under running water beforehand. 

 *****

MOVIES:  We tried to watch the 1990 movie The Grifters with John Cusack. It was so bad, we turned it off. I didn't see it back in the day. Last night, we watched A Few Good Men. Always great.

***** 

What new recipe have you tried? Did you ever see Grifters? A Few Good Men?

more party details: the 'Why'd I do that?' edition

 The party downsides:  

• I didn't shred the cheese for the mac and cheese in advance. I'd discovered when I did the dry-run that the my food processor could shred the cheese in record time. Great. Dry-run was only making 1 lb of mac though. (note:  Mini was not involved in later dry-runs, and when I say dry - I mean 17 cups of milk weren't involved). When I made a butt load of it DAY OF, my food processor got angry with me. It took a lot longer to shred. I didn't start making the mac and cheese until like 15 min before people arrived. This translated to me missing some time to socialize. I felt stuck in the kitchen longer than necessary. Grr.
• I have myself to blame:  also - why did I feel so 'ready' that I went for my 4.5 mile run late morning? I'm silly, that's why. I really think I kept thinking 'mac and cheese - crockpot, done' but blanking on my need to still load the crockpot. I'd cooked the meat and spent over an  hour shredding it the day before, so I just plugged it in on warm - done. Mac & cheese wasn't in that same category, but my brain blanked. 
• I spent too much time cleaning the dining room. It was gorgeous outside and very few, if anyone entered the damn dining room.
• I doubled cowboy caviar. I prioritized this over the mac and cheese, because it was an appetizer and would be eaten first. Then I put it in the fridge after I made it that morning, and forgot about it. Ugh. I could've saved myself the trouble and used that time to shred cheese. BTW - I was a little panicked that the avocados weren't ripe enough, and I found out the night before that I could put them in a brown paper bag with a banana. Who knew this and never told me?
• Mini stayed downtown, hanging with friends the night before. She uber'd

  

  Mini's cake decoration
  (Costco did the flower/trim)

  home with Ed and Tank. They got home much later than planned. She was decorating the cake, and I'd planned on her being a bit more involved in last minute details - like remembering her fav dip:  cowboy caviar was in the fridge. 
• I took almost no photos. My folks were there, and I didn't take a pic of them with Curly. I try to take a family photo of the 10 of us whenever we gather, because it doesn't happen often. I forgot to do this. 
• The teen turnout wasn't outstanding. I anticipated this and I warned Curly not to be disappointed if her school friends didn't show interest in her video. Typically a group of kids hangs out for hours, and they all gather in the family room to watch the video together. Totally representative of her school friends, kids didn't stay long. Very few ate anything. There wasn't a group that watched the video. Her besties from her travel b-ball team were here, and those are her core people. I cannot wait for her to have space from the kids at her school. There were a handful that came early/stayed late. The others:  I wish I'd served them Mini's mac & milk. Just sayin. 

But - aside from my time stuck in the kitchen and wishing I could speak to some guests longer than I did . . . my kids made the rounds, people mingled a ton, the food got rave reviews (we didn't need 2 crockpots of mac & cheese - so another long stretch of time wasted on making so much of it AFTER people had arrived) and my lack of photos is evidence of how much I was soaking it all up. The video was a big hit. 

The fact that the weather was great and people stayed late to hang with Coach and I was amazing. 

*****

Who knew about the avocado deal?

*****

Our 4th of July - flash floods. I have things to say, stories to tell. Per usual - out of time. More to follow.

interrupting my original post, because *SET BACK CITY* & party recap

*this post will make more sense if you read how Kay's summer was shaping up, plus if you missed that post - you missed a hilarious, short clip from the grad video*

While I was working on today's post yesterday afternoon, Curly popped into the study. She's friends with the head coach of the girls' swim team. Her friend attended the grad party and mentioned in passing that Kay brings donuts to practice MOST mornings. 

Come again? 

Curly was like, WHAT? ARE YOU SURE? LIKE ONE TIME . . . OR MORE THAN ONCE?

Yep, sure. Multiple times.

Coach and I asked Kay if she'd spent the money she's been earning weeding on anything.

(SKIP BACKGROUND IF YOU'VE BEEN HERE LONG - YOU KNOW THIS STUFF)

*background:  days before the adoption was finalized 9/2025, we caught Kay walking to the gas station on the corner buying candy. LOTS of candy. Had been doing this for ages. We'd found dozens of wrappers under her bed. She lied that a girl at school had been giving her candy at lunch. She ended up with 3 cavities. 

A few summers ago, we caught the girls riding bikes to Starbucks - crossing busy streets, not wearing a helmet, and buying themselves drinks with birthday money, etc. So, I kept their money in an envelope in my room, and got money out for them as needed. One day, I was in a rush. I left the envelopes on my dresser vs tucking them back under clothes in one of my drawers. Kay went into my room to get a laundry basked, saw the money, and took some of it. 

When Rae wanted to begged to attend a small Catholic High School, we told her that we'd not been able to afford private high school for the older kids. If she wanted to go there, she'd have to earn money and contribute to tuition. She caddies. Keeps a small manila envelope in her kitchen drawer. She methodically writes down the date, who she caddied for, and how much she made. She has been incredibly responsible. 

She understands (and this is something we explained at nauseum to both girls) that we save our money. We've pointed out that if Dad and I hadn't saved our money, we wouldn't have this house, or money for shoes and clothes, etc. At the end of the summer, we told Rae we were proud of how hard she worked and we let her choose something to buy. end of background*

The girls ride their bikes to swim team. It's a mile away. They cross one main road at a light. Totally doable and life-giving that I don't have to race back and forth to drop off/pick up.

Last night, when confronted, Kay admitted that she'd spent money one time. Coach was like, Better to be honest and tell us the whole thing. Do not lie. 

Kay tweaked her tale: Well, I bought the same ONE thing, three times. She stops at a bakery in a strip mall that's near swim practice. Bought 3 donuts, 3 times. (Rae was a counselor at a camp this week, and slept there - so didn't attend swim, plus Kay just finished summer school last week - so this was her first full week of swim team, thus the 3 days). She shared the extras with coaches, or other girls on the team. Please understand, this is not about the amount of money, or how nice that she's sharing. 

Most of the people she works for send me money. It's easy to earmark that money for her, because those are not people I babysit for - so the only reason they Zelle me is to pay Kay. There are a few elderly ladies who give her cash. 

When I realized some people were paying her cash, I told Kay that she'd have to give us the money to save for her. But I didn't stop what I was doing to say GO GET ME THE MONEY. It came up again, and I asked her where the money was. In an envelope in her kitchen drawer. 

Again, I said - well, we need to watch that for you, but I didn't insist. She gave me her eye-rollie look, as if I was mistreating her, not treating her the same way I treat Rae. I thought to myself, well she should be able to keep it in her drawer. Rae's set a good example and Kay has seen how Rae has done well this way. She can do this. 

Kay knows:  money she earns is to contribute for school transportation.  

OK, didn't expect this post to be so long (I'll share next time the bit about adoption preservation therapist who just quit and new one starting later today, HELLO TIMING). 

Bottom line, I wept when Kay told us what she was up to. I hollered. Thrashed. Pulled on what little hair is left in my balding head. The new adoption pres. therapist called to introduce herself late last week,  setting up today's appointment. I shared a brief background. Then I said:  

BUT THINGS HAVE BEEN BETTER. THINGS ARE IMPROVING, WE'RE WORKING TO BUILD TRUST. 

I'm so frustrated. I told Kay it's like I just ran my 4.5 mile run, couldn't wait to be done. Got home, and found out I had to start all over again, but run the 4.5 miles up hill without shoes on. We are STARTING OVER. AGAIN. 

We worry about long term issues. Kay has not met an impulse she hasn't taken. What will she do when confronted with more pressing impulses? Get pregnant? Try drugs? 

I'm angry. I'm exhausted. I'm assuming I'll never connect with her. How does one connect with someone that you do not trust? Someone who is so damn sneaky/unauthentic? It's mind blowing.

********

Party prep Friday night.

The party:  the weather was perfect. Not too hot - we missed a heat wave by 1 day. People raved about the food. We served BBQ pork, BBQ chicken, mac & cheese in a crockpot *minus a dozen extra cups of milk*, cornbread, pumpkin bread, homemade potato salad, sweet and sour green bean casserole, and a chopped salad from Portillos. Loads of fun people attended. Lively conversation. Lots of laughter at the video. I had a good hair day. Curly wore a cute new dress that arrived in the mail the day before (info on our shopping spree in my next post). I wore a new dress that I bought for $14. A handful of grownups stayed late, so when I could finally sit and chat - there were fun people to hang with. 

There were a few downsides (I'm looking at you Cowboy Caviar that never left the fridge even though I doubled it), but overall - the kids claim this was our best party to date. 

My relax-after-party mode is feeling less-relaxy and more like Must be Vigilant with Kay, spend more time in family therapy, rinse, repeat. You know? 

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What's frustrating you on this Monday?